Here Are the Steps We Took
Sober.Coffee Podcast Summary
Big Bill returns to the Sober.Coffee shop for Part 2 with Mike and Glenn, serving as living proof that the program of Alcoholics Anonymous works. Early on, when fear of dying collided with the misery of living, Mike and Glenn needed to see that proof in someone else before they could believe it was possible for themselves. After swapping stories about past day-drinking chaos and creative rationalizations, Bill breaks down his exact blueprint for guiding another person through the Twelve Steps.
The Blueprint for Working with Others
Bill shares the sequential method he uses when taking a sponsee through the program:
- Share the Story: Bill begins by sharing his own story to build trust and identification.
- Read the Big Book: Sponsees are asked to read the first 164 pages of the Alcoholics Anonymous Big Book. Bill notes it can feel overwhelming at first, but urges newcomers to read it anyway.
- Step-by-Step Study: Together, they read through the Big Book and the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions (12 & 12), going through the steps in order.
- Weekly Cadence at the Sponsee’s Pace: They meet once a week, intentionally working at the speed of the sponsee.
- The 3-Step Pause: Bill will guide anyone through the first three steps. At Step 3, he pauses and asks: “Do you want to keep going with me?” It is up to the sponsee to decide if Bill is the right person to take them the rest of the way, honoring the principle of attraction rather than promotion.
- The Sponsoring Paradox: The miracle of sponsorship is that the sponsor often grows more than the sponsee.
Amends: The Cadence of Steps 8 & 9
Bill emphasizes the importance of following the cadence of the steps without skipping ahead:
- Step 8 (The Willingness): Step 8 simply asks us to compile the list—specifically of people harmed, not merely those who were irritated or angered. Bill breaks the list into three categories: Now, Maybe, and Never.
- Step 9 (The Action): Amends take time and should be executed when the timing is right, with care never to cause additional harm. Bill tackles the hardest amends first. If direct amends are impossible, Bill suggests writing a letter, reviewing it with a sponsor, and letting it go.
- The Motive: Amends are selfless and humbling, not selfish. The goal is to make the amend regardless of how the other person responds, because unsettled amends leave us blocked from God.
Finding What Works
When asked what to tell someone who insists AA doesn’t work, Bill’s answer is simple: AA is not the only path—if it doesn’t work for you, find what does, because your life is worth it. If you ever need to return, the doors of AA remain open.
Bill leaves listeners with a guiding truth: “I was a hopeless alcoholic. I took a few simple actions. I had a vital spiritual experience. I have not had a drink since. If you want what I have, I will show you what I did.”