Tag: sobriety

Episode Overview

Hosts Mike and Glenn return to the coffee shop to discuss the concept of “living weed-free” and the shifting landscape of modern sobriety. They voice concern that while the younger generation is moving away from alcohol, many are replacing it with marijuana, leaving a whole new demographic hurting and in need of support. [1, 2]

The Validity and Mechanics of AA

• Strength in Numbers: The hosts emphasize that finding strength requires community, which is achieved through consistent attendance at meetings. [1]
• Proof It Works: Countering critics who claim Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) is ineffective, the hosts argue they see living proof of its success every single day through the lives of countless meeting attendees. [1]
• The Turning Point: AA works for those who approach it correctly. The program truly begins to function at the exact point of complete surrender.
• Expectation Management: Setting proper expectations is the ultimate secret to finding success within the program.

Redefining True Sobriety

• The “Weed-Free” Rule: The hosts firmly agree that using marijuana contradicts the true definition of sobriety. You are not practicing authentic AA if you still use weed.
• Mind-Altering Substances: Sobriety requires saying no to all mind-altering drugs, with strict exceptions only for legitimate pain management.
• The Reward of Clarity: Mental clarity is the ultimate benefit of a sober life. Where they once begged for pain medications, they now restrict them exclusively to necessary, true pain relief.
• Societal Value: Prioritizing personal sobriety and spirituality creates a default benefit for everyone around the addict, improving society as a whole.

Mission Over Numbers

• Focus on the Individual: Unlike ego-driven podcasts or “mega-churches” that obsess over metrics, Mike and Glenn focus strictly on their mission. [1]
• The “One Person” Rule: The show’s purpose is not high download numbers; it is about helping the single, individual person who might find healing through their conversation.

Actionable Advice & Warnings

• Try Abstinence: If you find yourself “dangling in the weeds” or struggling with dependency, the hosts recommend attempting complete abstinence.
• New Drug Hazards: Beware of the emergence of dangerous, heavily marketed “sexy” new drugs.
• Medical Transparency: When seeking medical pain relief, always consult a healthcare professional. Crucially, always tell your doctor that you are an addict so they can treat you safely. [1]

Closing Thought: Mike and Glenn choose to protect their peace by living in a strict weed-free zone and challenge listeners to consider doing the same.

Podcast Summary: Out of gas? Now what?

Mike and Glenn are back in the coffee shop, bringing you another real, raw, and unfiltered conversation.

Seemingly, they have it all together—especially when you consider that between them, they share 18 1/2 years of continuous sobriety (Mike with 7 1/2 years and Glenn with 11). But they don’t buy into “Facebook sobriety.” The reality is that life still happens, challenges arise, and sometimes the tank just runs completely empty.

This episode dives deep into what happens when you feel like you’re running on fumes, how to recognize the red flags of a mental relapse, and why we simply cannot do sobriety or life solo.

The Reality of an Empty Tank

When you are constantly digging, giving, and taking care of business—balancing work, personal projects, and sobriety (our number one priority)—the pressure adds up. It’s an exhausting, hard-to-define stress.

• The Give and Get Balance: When we give, we empty the tank. When we get, we fill it. Too much give and not enough get will slow us down.
• The “Jar” Analogy: We all need a trusted advisor or accountability partner. They can read the label on our jar when we are too blinded by stress to see it ourselves. It doesn’t matter how “qualified” they are; it matters how invested they are in you.
• Feelings Are Not Facts: Like a Ferris wheel, sometimes we are on top of the world, and sometimes we are at the bottom.

Action Plans: What to Do When the Fuel Gauge Hits E

Awareness is the first and most important step, but awareness must be followed by action. When you feel empty, sometimes the “next right thing” isn’t found on your standard to-do list—it’s self-care.

If you are going through a hard season, try throwing these tools at the problem until something fills you back up:

1. Find a Meeting: Go to connect with others and realize you aren’t alone. Compare your problems with others to gain perspective; everyone is carrying stress.
2. Take Time for Self-Reflection: Know where your fuel gauge is.
3. Connect with a Trusted Advisor: Lean on your accountability partners.
4. Practice Gratitude: Find the things you are thankful for.
5. Do the Next Right Thing: Fix the immediate problem in front of us.
6. Prioritize Sleep: Sleep drives clarity. If you need to punch out and go to bed at 5:00 PM to take care of yourself, do it (while still honoring your core responsibilities).
7. Pray and Meditate: Turn inward and upward.
8. Absorb the Shock: Learn to suffer better. You don’t have to like the situation, just understand where you are.
9. Focus on Serving: Shifting your focus to helping others causes self-pity to pass.
10. Use Audio and Environment: Listen to good music or go to church.
11. The Mikey Special (The Hard Reset): Unplug, take a respite, and tell the world you are temporarily unavailable so you can rebuild your foundation and bounce back.

Key Takeaways & Summary

Your sobriety length is not a shield. As Glenn notes, 11 years doesn’t automatically guarantee year number 12. To protect your recovery, watch out for old alcoholic behaviors and compulsions, and find healthy ways to relieve stress.

“If you think like you used to think, then you will drink like you used to drink.”

• Analyze: Take time to figure out where you are.
• Plan: Put together a proactive plan to de-stress.
• Pivot: Move from reactive to proactive.
• Connect: Have conversations with others. Getting help is what fills the tank.

STAY AWARE.

Enjoying the show? Drop us a line or share your thoughts with Mike and Glenn at http://www.sober.coffee.

Podcast Episode Overview

In this episode, Mike and Glenn are joined by returning guest Doctor John at a local coffee shop to dive deep into the realities of alcoholism. The conversation provides fantastic advice and information, highlighting John’s inspirational passion for both newcomers and old-timers.

Core Themes & Discussion Points

• The “ISM” is the Core Issue: John emphasizes that the problem is not alcoholism (the substance), but the ISM (the human condition). It is about the “void” or “hole in the soul” rather than the booze itself.
• A Spiritual Dis-Ease: John argues this is not a chemical imbalance or a disease in the traditional medical sense, but rather a “thirst for God”—a human yearning for wholeness, centeredness, and peace.
• Hypersensitivity: Alcoholics are described as “pain augmenters” who are highly sensitive. Alcohol initially served as an effective coping mechanism and brought ease, until it eventually stopped working.
• Character Defects: These defects were essentially coping skills utilized when the disease was active and untreated.
• Powerlessness & Affinity: An essential foundation of recovery is accepting one’s powerlessness over the condition. It functions less like a physical allergy and more like a profound mental dis-ease and affinity.

Actionable Takeaways & Prevention

• Removing the Alcohol Isn’t Enough: Eliminating booze removes the symptom, but the underlying “ISM” remains. It is a lifelong condition that persists regardless of external life circumstances.
• Stay Connected: Because the condition is always present, isolation is dangerous. John stresses that while you can be drunk or dry alone, achieving true sobriety requires the support of a community.
• Active Maintenance: Simple prevention relies on continuous action: staying engaged, attending meetings, and actively focusing on recovery steps.

Podcast Summary: The Inside Out of the “ISM”

Hosts: Mike & Glenn

Guest: Dr. John

In this episode, Dr. John rejoins Mike and Glenn at the coffee shop to continue their deep dive into alcoholism, sharing pivotal moments from his journey and breaking down the true nature of addiction, connection, and relapse.

Redefining the “ISM”

Dr. John challenges the traditional view of alcoholism, stating that he was “born scared” and that alcohol itself didn’t cause his disease. Instead, he describes alcoholism as an “ISM”—a universal, internal yearning to fill an emotional void.

• The Universal Void: Humans are the only creatures on Earth who torment themselves trying to fill this emptiness.
• The Admission Tickets: The “ISM” manifests differently for everyone. There are hundreds of 12-step programs identical to AA; they simply have different “admission tickets” (e.g., alcohol, shopping, eating).
• Religion vs. Spirituality:
• “Religion fills the void. Spirituality teaches us to embrace the void.” While religion relies on a set of rules, spirituality is about building a strong relationship with something greater. Dr. John doesn’t label himself as “happy, joyous, and free”—rather, he views his ISM as God continuously poking his void, reminding him it is a never-ending process.

The Power of Connection

The core message of the episode is that intellect alone cannot cure addiction. True transformation happens through human-to-human interaction.

• Wounded Healers: Healing occurs when the wounded heal the wounded. As the famous quote goes: “The opposite of addiction is connection.”
• The Ultimate Need: Dr. John shares a powerful story about his dog, Samantha, who taught him how to give unconditional love. He concludes that giving love is our only true need, summarizing it as: “You can’t keep it if you don’t give it away.”
• Heaven on Earth: For Dr. John, heaven is pouring yourself into someone else. “I don’t know what heaven is, but the closest I’ve come to is when I lose myself in another.”
• The “We” of AA: Glenn and Dr. John agree that Alcoholics Anonymous works strictly because of the “We.” We cannot see our own blind spots without others.

The Reality of Relapse

The conversation shifts to a cautionary tale from John, who shared his experience with relapse, proving that “every bottom has a trap door.”

Dr. John emphasizes that triggers are just excuses—relapse is a calculated choice where a person thinks through the action and does it anyway. He breaks down relapse into three distinct stages: Emotional, Mental, and Physical.

The 5 Steps to John’s Relapse:

1. Complacency: Becoming bored and complacent.
2. Distraction: Losing focus on recovery.
3. Skipping Meetings: Halting attendance.
4. Loss of Mentorship: His sponsor moved away.
5. Isolation: He stopped connecting with his own sponsees as they drifted.

Ultimately, it was his gradual movement away from the program that caused the relapse. Despite this, the hosts emphasize a philosophy of grace: hate the sin, love the sinner.

Advice for the Newcomer: The “Karate Kid” Metaphor

Dr. John offers a grounded, realistic perspective for anyone new to recovery. He reminds them that “AA is not a feel-good program; it is a get-well program.” Life is still going to be life, and while medical schools don’t teach spirituality, it is readily available in AA as the best therapy on the planet.

To close, Dr. John shares a “must-listen” metaphor inspired by The Karate Kid. Just like Daniel Larusso learning martial arts from Mr. Miyagi, a newcomer in recovery must possess three essential qualities:

• Openness
• Willingness
• Honesty

Final Takeaway

Glenn notes that through this program, there is no situation in life he cannot get through sober. Because alcohol remains “cunning, baffling, and powerful,” the episode concludes with a call to move forward into today with confidence, balanced by cautiousness.

Episode Guest: Dr. John – This is a “Get Well” Program, Not a “Feel Good” Program

Hosts Mike and Glenn welcome Dr. John to the sober.coffee shop for a raw, straight-shooting conversation about Alcoholics Anonymous, the reality of working the program, and what it truly takes to get well.

The Reality of Recovery

Dr. John doesn’t sugarcoat it: AA is not about rainbows, unicorns, and puppies. It is about getting well.

With sobriety dating back to 1980—including a five-year “research sabbatical” (relapse) before getting sober for good in 2000—John uses his hindsight to fuel his insight. He views alcoholism as an “inside job.” Alcohol was his soul food, and removing it leaves a void that must be filled. Even when joy and gratitude are hard to find, John emphasizes that you are still getting better.

Key Takeaway: AA is a get well program, not a feel good program. When you are full of doubt and in a dark place, you have to trudge along, plot along, and stick around. It is in these tough times that you spiritually grow.

The 3 Basics of Working the Program (In Real Time)

When life gets heavy and you aren’t “feeling it,” John relies on three foundational steps:

1. Be aware. Recognize where you are at.
2. Check in. Talk with your sponsor and/or others in recovery.
3. Pray on it. Seek guidance outside of yourself.

The Trap of Self and Ego

The guys agree that when we have a problem with others, the root of the problem usually lies within ourselves. However, self cannot transform self, and ego cannot conquer ego. Because disturbed emotions impair our judgment, we cannot rely solely on our own thinking. God works through people—which is why AA is inherently a “we” program.

When you find yourself emotionally disturbed, John offers a 3-step triage plan:

• Freeze: Stop and do not act.
• Check in with a sponsor: A pain shared is a pain halved, and an outside perspective is better equipped to take inventory.
• Pray for willingness: Pray for the willingness to accept and take direction.

The 3 Types of Direction You Might Receive:

According to Glenn, guidance from a sponsor or the program usually boils down to one of three truths:

1. “It’s none of your business.”
2. “Live the Serenity Prayer.”
3. “That’s just what an AA is supposed to do.”

The Art of Sponsorship & Surrender

Surrender means accepting direction. John notes that a sponsor can only be as effective as the sponsee allows them to be, adding that working with a sponsor is much more of an art than a science.

• The Power of “I”: John’s sponsor famously corrected him on using pronouns like “he, she, or they” when pointing fingers. The focus must always be on “I.”
• Humility Check: John’s sponsor also gave him a great reality check: “When you think you have God’s will figured out, come check with me.”
• The “Broken” Paradox: The more broken we feel on the inside, the more potent we can become on the outside. John reminds listeners: You aren’t a jerk/bad person; you are just acting like one.

Honesty and Evolution

Once you are sober, there is no longer a reason to lie. However, John drops a profound truth about the nature of recovery: “You can only be as honest as you are well.” Because we grow over time, your truth today will look very different than your truth did five years ago.

Final Thought

What is relapse? According to Dr. John, relapse is simply what happens when you turn your back on recovery. Keep doing the basics, stay honest, and stick around.

Podcast Summary: What is Sober? ☕

Doctor John rejoins Mike and Glen in the Sober.coffee shop to dissect a foundational question: “What is sober?” Together, the hosts challenge common misconceptions about recovery, emphasizing that true sobriety is a gritty, transformative journey rather than an instant emotional fix.

Key Takeaways

The Roadmap to True Sobriety

• Abstinence is only the baseline. True recovery requires moving past being “dry” by actively cultivating a willingness to change.
• The happiness myth. Abstinence does not automatically guarantee happiness, and expecting immediate joy can cause doubt.
• Insides vs. outsides. Comparing your internal struggles to the external appearances of others is a dangerous trap.
• A “get-well” program. Alcoholics Anonymous is designed for healing, not for providing a constant emotional high.
• Suffer better. Sobriety means learning to endure the “ism,” understanding that spirituality—not AA alone—fills the inner void.
• Fluctuations are normal. It is completely acceptable to not feel okay, as enthusiasm for the program naturally ebbs and flows.

The Karate Kid Metaphor

• Broken healers. Members of the program act as wounded healers, passing down survival tools to the next person.
• The humble guide. Like the janitor in The Karate Kid, a sponsor simply guides the newcomer using lived experience.
• Trust the process. Newcomers must practice honesty, openness, and willingness (“wax-on, wax-off”) even when the steps do not make immediate sense.

Principles of Recovery

• Action over emotion. Willingness is the greatest principle, defined not by how you feel but by the actions you take.
• Feelings are not facts. Doing what feels good often leads to pain, while doing what is right eventually brings fulfillment.
• The second opinion. Check with a sponsor regularly to audit your true motives and align with a higher power.
• The ultimate definition. Being sober means fulfilling the ultimate human need to give unconditional love through 12th-step service work.

Highlight Quotes

🎙️ “We are broken healers to each other.”🎙️ “If I do what feels good, it will eventually feel bad. If I do what is right, it will eventually feel good.”

🎬 Action Items for Listeners

• Stop the comparison. Identify one area where you are comparing your internal feelings to someone else’s external life, and let it go.
• Call your sponsor. Schedule a check-in this week to get a second opinion on your current motives and choices.
• Act without feeling. Choose one recovery action item today that you do not feel like doing, and execute it anyway.
• Engage in 12th-step work. Find a small, concrete way to offer unconditional love or support to a newcomer in your circle.

Podcast Summary: Sober.Coffee Episode #268

Title: The Foundation of Recovery: A Tribute to Dr. John

Guests: Dr. John (Rebroadcast from October 2022)

Hosts: Mike and Glenn

Episode Overview

In this moving rebroadcast, Mike and Glenn return to a deep and revealing conversation with the late Dr. John, a trained physician and recovery doctor who dedicated his life to absolute service. With no agenda other than helping others achieve sobriety, Dr. John joins the “Sober Coffee Shop” to deconstruct Step 1 of Alcoholics Anonymous and explain why a “perfect” understanding of this foundation is the difference between life and death.

The “Why” vs. The Solution

Dr. John provides a clinical yet spiritual perspective on the disease, noting that “treatment can only be as effective as your diagnosis is accurate.” While many therapies focus on symptom relief and analyzing the problem, Dr. John argues that AA is the “best therapy on the planet” because it focuses entirely on the solution.

• Insight isn’t enough: John famously notes that “insight and $5 will get you simply a cup of coffee.”
• The Difference: AA taught John that feeling better and getting well are two entirely different things.

The “Screwed” Reality of Step 1

The team discusses the staggering statistics of recovery: while millions suffer, many who enter AA leave and never return. Dr. John suggests that those who fail often fail because they do not thoroughly follow the path or fully grasp the weight of Step 1.

• The Diagnosis: Step 1 means you are “screwed.” Alcoholism is a terminal illness—a “malignant soul.”
• Powerlessness: It isn’t just about the drink; it’s about the “ISM.” Even with the “plug in the jug,” the alcoholic still “ticks” the way they do because they have Alcoholism, not “Alcohol-wasm.”

The “Get Well” Program

Reflecting on his first year of sobriety, Dr. John confesses he almost left because he wasn’t feeling the “joy” others described. An old-timer gave him the perspective that changed his life: “This is not a feel-good program; this is a get-well program.”

John emphasizes that humans are poor judges of their own progress. If you are doing the work—attending meetings, calling a sponsor, and praying—you are likely doing well, regardless of how you “feel” in the moment.

Dr. John’s “Nuggets” for Recovery

Dr. John leaves listeners with a powerful framework for a lasting transformation:

1. AA is not a “feel-good” program: It is designed to save your life, not provide instant comfort.
2. Alcoholism, not Alcohol-wasm: The disease remains active even when you are dry.
3. Get Well, not Get Good: It’s about healing a diseased soul, not just “behaving” better.
4. Dry vs. Sober: You can keep yourself dry alone, but it takes the program and fellowship to get sober.
5. Transformation vs. Reformation: Recovery is a total internal shift found through the 12 steps and helping others.

“Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path.” Dr. John’s takeaway: Maybe never has a person failed who truly follows the path. The principles are perfect; the people are not. Keep working the work.

Episode Summary: Suffer to Tougher:

In this powerful episode, Mike and Glenn welcome author Marc Rogala to the Sober.Coffee shop to discuss his book and transformative journey, “Suffer to Tougher: From Rock Bottom to Real Strength.”

Marc’s story is one of profound transformation—moving from a state of wanting to die to a life filled with purpose and hope. Co-authored with fitness coach Kelsey Dunbar, the book serves as both a practical and foundational guide for those navigating the complexities of addiction and mental health.

From Rock Bottom to Real Strength:

Marc shares the raw details of his past, including his struggle with alcohol and drug abuse, which was further complicated by a dual diagnosis of PTSD. Like many, Marc grew up in an environment where he was taught to “man up” and face life’s challenges alone. This path eventually led him to a clinical near-death experience in July 2020. The turning point came when an impactful story from a speaker in the hospital sparked a desire to live. Today, driven by the memory of his cousin Beth, Marc dedicates his life to speaking, writing, and serving the recovery community.

Key Insights & The “S2T” Movement

The book, which fell into place naturally through a conversational style, focuses on a mind-body rhythm and belongs to the self-help category. It is designed specifically for those dealing with addiction and underlying circumstances, offering a grounded framework for daily improvement.

Marc’s actionable advice for those new to recovery:

• Check your ego: Be willing to ask for help.
• Seek medical advice: Professional guidance is crucial.
• Plug in: Join a support group like Alcoholics Anonymous (AA).
• Embrace change: Focus on progress over perfection.
• Prioritize wellness: Maintain a proper diet to support your recovery.

Finding Hope:

Whether you are feeling stuck, overwhelmed, or seeking to turn your pain into purpose, this episode highlights that there is a solution. As Marc notes, all it takes is a willingness to embrace the program to achieve a complete recovery and the confidence to be authentically you.

Learn more: Suffertotougher.org Available on: Amazon and AbeBooks

In this episode of sober.coffee, Mike and Glenn sit down with Greg Downs, founder of ClearPath Financial Coaching, for a powerful conversation titled “A Clear Path to Sobriety.”

Greg shares his journey from being a high-profile financial advisor driven by ego to finding a new calling after a personal crisis landed him in a jail cell. It was there that Greg first heard “his story” through Alcoholics Anonymous, sparking a transformation that turned him from a student of the 12 steps into a teacher.

The trio discusses how sobriety has become their “superpower,” moving them from lives of grandiose thinking to a grounded, authentic peace. Greg now applies these recovery principles to money management, helping clients align their spending with their values by addressing the root behaviors—fear, guilt, and impulse—that drive financial instability.

Key Takeaways from Greg:

• The 12-Week Reset: Greg uses a 12-week program (one step per week) to restructure financial habits using the proven framework of AA.
• Maintaining the Grounded Life: Greg stays sober and centered through daily service, leaning into beginners, and staying in constant contact with his recovery network.
• Financial Advice: He reminds listeners that “you are not your credit score.” He advocates for building “guardrails” through accountability and learning to “pause” before making impulsive financial decisions.

Tune in to hear how Greg, Mike, and Glenn have traded their old lives for a transparent, peaceful path forward.

Greg can be followed on Instagram @gregdownscoach

Podcast Summary — “Say No to the Slippery Slope”

In this unfiltered 30-minute conversation, Mike and Glenn dive deep into the gritty realities of sobriety — no scripts, no polish, just hard-earned truth. Their message is simple: staying sober isn’t about perfection, it’s about persistence.

They reflect on how no matter how many rehabs a person has been to, the key is to keep trying. Recovery, they say, is not a solo sport — “The same brain that got us into this mess can’t get us out, alone.” Surrendering to Alcoholics Anonymous wasn’t a sign of weakness but of readiness. Both admit they hit bottom with no moves left — and one wrong step could send them sliding back down the slippery slope to alcoholic hell.

Throughout their candid banter, they praise sponsors as “angels” — people who make a lifetime investment in others’ sobriety through guidance, discipline, and compassion. They also talk about the value of retreats, consistent meeting attendance, and the miracle of watching others stay sober and grow. The lessons are lived, not taught: “What we’ve learned is that this **** works.”

Key takeaways:

• Sobriety takes time. It’s about “hunkering down,” staying in the work even when life hits hard — divorce, chaos, loss — because stability is built through consistency.
• Use the tools. Over time, practices like meetings, reading the Big Book, and connecting with others become second nature.
• Attraction over promotion. Let progress speak louder than preaching. Others will see your improvement.
• Empathy matters. Understanding those still suffering deepens your own recovery.
• Redemption takes time and effort. True change only happens when we step off the slippery slope and apply recovery principles daily.

Action step:
Read the 164 pages of the Alcoholics Anonymous Big Book, then bring them to life through meetings and active participation. Stay connected, avoid isolation, and keep saying no to that slippery slope.