Episode Guest: Dr. John – This is a “Get Well” Program, Not a “Feel Good” Program
Hosts Mike and Glenn welcome Dr. John to the sober.coffee shop for a raw, straight-shooting conversation about Alcoholics Anonymous, the reality of working the program, and what it truly takes to get well.
The Reality of Recovery
Dr. John doesn’t sugarcoat it: AA is not about rainbows, unicorns, and puppies. It is about getting well.
With sobriety dating back to 1980—including a five-year “research sabbatical” (relapse) before getting sober for good in 2000—John uses his hindsight to fuel his insight. He views alcoholism as an “inside job.” Alcohol was his soul food, and removing it leaves a void that must be filled. Even when joy and gratitude are hard to find, John emphasizes that you are still getting better.
Key Takeaway: AA is a get well program, not a feel good program. When you are full of doubt and in a dark place, you have to trudge along, plot along, and stick around. It is in these tough times that you spiritually grow.
The 3 Basics of Working the Program (In Real Time)
When life gets heavy and you aren’t “feeling it,” John relies on three foundational steps:
- Be aware. Recognize where you are at.
- Check in. Talk with your sponsor and/or others in recovery.
- Pray on it. Seek guidance outside of yourself.
The Trap of Self and Ego
The guys agree that when we have a problem with others, the root of the problem usually lies within ourselves. However, self cannot transform self, and ego cannot conquer ego. Because disturbed emotions impair our judgment, we cannot rely solely on our own thinking. God works through people—which is why AA is inherently a “we” program.
When you find yourself emotionally disturbed, John offers a 3-step triage plan:
- Freeze: Stop and do not act.
- Check in with a sponsor: A pain shared is a pain halved, and an outside perspective is better equipped to take inventory.
- Pray for willingness: Pray for the willingness to accept and take direction.
The 3 Types of Direction You Might Receive:
According to Glenn, guidance from a sponsor or the program usually boils down to one of three truths:
- “It’s none of your business.”
- “Live the Serenity Prayer.”
- “That’s just what an AA is supposed to do.”
The Art of Sponsorship & Surrender
Surrender means accepting direction. John notes that a sponsor can only be as effective as the sponsee allows them to be, adding that working with a sponsor is much more of an art than a science.
- The Power of “I”: John’s sponsor famously corrected him on using pronouns like “he, she, or they” when pointing fingers. The focus must always be on “I.”
- Humility Check: John’s sponsor also gave him a great reality check: “When you think you have God’s will figured out, come check with me.”
- The “Broken” Paradox: The more broken we feel on the inside, the more potent we can become on the outside. John reminds listeners: You aren’t a jerk/bad person; you are just acting like one.
Honesty and Evolution
Once you are sober, there is no longer a reason to lie. However, John drops a profound truth about the nature of recovery: “You can only be as honest as you are well.” Because we grow over time, your truth today will look very different than your truth did five years ago.
Final Thought
What is relapse? According to Dr. John, relapse is simply what happens when you turn your back on recovery. Keep doing the basics, stay honest, and stick around.