Category: Podcasts

SPEAKER_01:
0:09

Welcome to Patty's Place, a place where we talk about grief, dementia, and caregiving. I named this podcast for my mom who suffered from dementia. Uh, she passed away about exactly two years ago. And so I thought we would f have a place where we could talk about all these things and just know that you're not alone with going through all of these things. So pull up a cup of tea, pour yourself a cup of tea, a cup of coffee, or if you're having a really bad day, a glass of wine, and let's get started talking. Today we have a special guest. Her name is Erica Sell. She's the founder and CEO of Harmony Home Medical in San Diego. It's the leading home medical equipment and accessibility solution provider. Erica grew up in Northern California in a medical equipment family, and she saw firsthand how the most durable medical equipment dealers operated out of bare warehouses and how little choice end users were given. So after she attended Pepperdine University and graduating from University of California in San Diego, she turned her passion for helping people live with dignity and independence into a business in 2008. From a startup booth at the Del Mar Fair to a full showroom in a second location and multiple expansions, Erica transformed the industry by treating shopping for mobility and home access solutions like with real product demos, selection, education, and service built around the person, not the insurance company. Erica holds certification as a certified assistant technology professional and certified aging in place specialist and is known for pushing innovation in home accessibility and mobility equipment. Well, welcome Erica. Thank you for joining us. Yeah, thank you, Lisa. Thanks for having me. So this is very interesting. Uh it's a it's a very interesting industry for it. So you got started with all this, you know, because you said you came from a medical equipment family and that. So what do you think people need to know about like assisted devices and that?

SPEAKER_00:
2:07

There's there's so much. Um so yeah, I came from uh um growing up working in my mom's store that was an insurance-facing store. So they they almost exclusively worked with third-party payers. Um, and I I actually went away to college to not work in that industry and I came back for a family emergency. And during that time, I saw how there were specialty products, things that most people don't know exist. And we can go into some of those today, um, called shower buddies and ceiling lifts and um vertical platform lifts, all these different things um that most people didn't know about because insurance doesn't cover them. My mom's company was doing them for an agency called Regional Center, which services developmentally disabled clients, usually, you know, kiddo populations. And I was like, why don't you show this to our seniors? Why don't you show this to your all your clients in general? And she said, Well, because Medicare doesn't pay for it. I said, That doesn't mean people shouldn't know about it and see it because I just don't think that people will pay for it. And I said, I think I think it might be off. Let's try this in the city because we lived in a small town. Okay, you know, and that's kind of where the idea was born to come down and try it in San Diego, the big city, and and see if people would be interested in learning about these more um specialty. Now they're not so obscure, but at the time they were obscure things. Rolling showers weren't ever talked about then. Um so I developed a tiny little showroom. After the Del Marfare was a success, um, I developed a tiny little showroom just cramming every single piece of nicer equipment and helpful equipment I thought people would want to learn about. Like I had a ceiling of this a thousand square feet this place, and I had a ceiling left in there, a roll-in shower, a walk-in tub, the tiniest of power chairs, the most nimble of scooters, the things that weren't really covered, uh, along with the more covered items too, where I could fit them, but really seeking products that delivered value over just economy. Um, and and we're most of the time not all the way covered by insurance. And so um, so our store, and still to this day, is kind of like uh the Toys R Us for the aging adult and an educational hub where you can come in and kind of explore what's available um beyond what you might hear or get referred by your physician.

SPEAKER_01:
4:40

Well, and that's really a good point because as you go through caregiving for you know with your parent, there are things that you come across and you're like, okay, how do I how do I take care of this? Like with dementia, they don't they they just don't like taking showers for it. So it's it's quite a challenge with it. So how let's start with dementia. So how do we make caring for a loved one with dementia easier? What are some products that we could try?

SPEAKER_00:
5:11

Yeah, so it's just so there's it's such a spectrum with dementia and how people um default to either like a happier version or maybe more combative version. Um, but starting with the the shower and the the um the bathing, there's of course the full gamut, which is that roll-in shower and you roll them right in in a chair, and there's not a lot of need for transfer participation from the the client. That's the ideal outcome, but it's also the most expensive outcome. Okay. You know, it's like a bathroom remodel or rolling piece of equipment. Um, those are great. Sometimes, if someone is combative even to that level with water, there's a couple things that we can roll back to. Um, before I get to those, in between there, we have products like the shower buddy or new product system. And these are really cool. A lot of people don't know these exist. These are little tracks that you set in your shower or your tub that a rolling bath chair comes and connects to. So then you connect to that track and you slide it across, and it creates the same outcome for the patient as a rolling shower, meaning there's no transfers, everything is wheeled safely from the bedroom to the bathroom. You can also do toileting from that chair. And so everyone's safe in the bathroom and they don't have to participate a lot to get that shower done. It's it's getting the construction outcome without the cost of construction, the caregiver just needs to do a couple extra steps with clicking the track in.

SPEAKER_01:
6:46

Okay.

SPEAKER_00:
6:47

Um those products are really cool. And those products are three to five thousand, where a full bathroom model is, you know, up in the teens of thousands or higher. Um, but then if someone really doesn't like the water aspect, if that's the piece, um, you know, then the bed baths and the special items for bed bathing are out there. There's the inflatable little um tubs, either just for doing hair a couple times a week, or a full-body sponge bath that you actually do right in the bed. And then the latest product I saw, which has we still have, but it hasn't taken off. But it's a really neat idea. And I'm sure people do this at home in their own way, but it's the bed spa, and it is a warming bottle of water. It sprays really fine mist, and you use that with the no-rinse shampoos. You put the no-rinse shampoos and body washes on, um, and then you wipe them off with this warm kind of spa-feeling mist of water with a hand towel. Um, it's about as elegant as a bed bath can get. And that's that's some way that people can get a little bit more clean and a touch of moisture and water on their skin to remove the buildup that can happen. Because when we're not caring for our skin and not getting um not getting the layers and the buildups off, that's when problems like skin breakdown to cubitus ashes show up, which can be a lot worse than sometimes the um stress of the behaviors coming out in the shower. So it's different for everybody, but it's kind of a spectrum of best to minimalists, you know, that we could do with the shower. And that would be consulting with a company like Harmony about the behaviors and budget that people are working with and mobility level, of course.

SPEAKER_01:
8:43

Oh, definitely, because it is it's a struggle. Uh I don't I don't know if it's the way that the water hits the person with dementia, their skin or or something, but that tends to be such a struggle, even for caregivers, because my mom was in a memory care unit and she it the caregiver struggled with that to take care of her. Like I I would be happy if they were able to get it every couple weeks. They they got her.

SPEAKER_00:
9:09

Yeah. Um change. Yeah. Change, I think, is hard to even just the change in their current state um can be upsetting. And so, yeah, so I have to get creative. I have a caregiving company that uses like music and aromatherapy to try to calm the setting before doing the bath. Um, so yes, yeah, I know that it can be tough, but those are the mobility tools that might help to get it done.

SPEAKER_01:
9:37

Yeah, exactly. And when hospice came in, that's what they started with. They started with the music, and and while she was still somewhat mobile, they were able to get her in the shower and then it they ended up doing the bed bath and things like that. But I could see where like that warming might help too with it.

SPEAKER_00:
9:53

Yeah, it's really gentle. Like you could do your own version with warm water in a spray bottle, but the way it missed is super gentle, so it doesn't feel shocking whatsoever.

SPEAKER_01:
10:05

Yeah, I could see where that would be really helpful uh for them. So what do you what do you suggest? Like what are some of the best products to help families with caregiving in general?

SPEAKER_00:
10:16

Well, some of the things that people don't think about that are this, these, this one is uh again a little bit on the higher end of things, um, but the bed setting, the bed that people use is it's this is our um best category. Um, our most popular category is beds and bed surfaces. And what we find with so many of our clients is they need, you know, positioning always beyond a semi-electric. So insurance covers a semi-electric hospital bed. That's a bed that you have to crank up and down, but the head and foot oscillate. So that's what's covered on insurance. At the minimal, people need the high, low powered feature so they can change quickly for transfers and for care. But for caregiving, and a lot with dementia and um just the psychology of coming home to home and not home to hospital, our high-low adjustable bedline has been extremely successful. And that's beds that do the extra high so the caregiver doesn't need to bend over and hurt their back, and the extra low so they don't uh risk injuring themselves if they roll or fall out of bed. And all of that is in a package that looks just like a traditional bed. You have no metal framing, it's padded, there's color selection, and that sets the patient at ease that they're coming home or they're living in a non-medical space, a home environment, which tends to have better outcomes when they come home versus when they're in a um hospital. So if they're gonna be able to be discharged home, um, they tend to do better. And if we can make that home feel even more home like with products that integrate into the setting, then uh everyone is just happier that way. So those beds can be a huge success or a huge help when someone's coming home to help them feel happy about using this equipment and being open to it. And then for the caregiver, that high-low feature, which is available in also the hospital bed style beds, that saves backs. If we're doing dressing changes, um, you know, rolling the client in bed and not um transferring out, um, even getting a sling on for using a patient lift, all of those things to do it at waist height versus down closer to like thigh or knee height is huge for the caregiver.

SPEAKER_01:
12:48

Oh, for sure. Uh I know um uh I know sometimes the patient prefers like a recliner as opposed to the hospital bed and makes me wonder like if it like you were describing it, like it looks like a traditional bed, if that would be better for them than the actual, you know, hospital bed, even though it's absolutely it's great you brought that up because that was the most aesthetic solution um about three years ago, two, two, three years ago.

SPEAKER_00:
13:17

I mean, they had adjustable high lows, but they didn't have all the framework covered like they do now. Um, and a lot of people opted for that lift chair. It's still pretty, it has a lot of uh infinite positioning options. It just doesn't assist the caregiver like a like the high-low bed working space does.

SPEAKER_01:
13:39

For sure. Uh with my mom, you know, once she was no longer mobile, that's when hospice brought in the power chair and and then the hospital bed and that. And uh yeah, she was she liked the recliner, uh, the bed she slept in. At that point, I don't think she really knew the difference. But I could see for other patients, it could be a mental thing where they would just prefer to be in the chair as opposed to that hospital bed with it.

SPEAKER_00:
14:06

Absolutely. It is, it is sometimes there's some resistance to all of it. Um, and so when we can make it look a little more like home with both the lift chair recliner, that um that style adjustable high-low bed, um, and then trying to conceal or just integrate some of the transfer devices. So that's the other category where there's some products that people don't often know about that can be really helpful for transfers because transfers is a tough topic too. Nobody likes to hurt their back, and nobody likes to bring in the traditional manual manual uh hoyer lift or patient lift. Okay.

SPEAKER_01:
14:46

Yeah, for it is, you know, you you because you don't want to hurt hurt your loved one, but then you don't want to get hurt and you don't realize how many times that you do end up transferring when they aren't mobile anymore or they're very shaky, you know, or they're prone to falls. So what are some things in the transferring area that people can do?

SPEAKER_00:
15:06

Yeah, there's kind of like a pyramid, right? From the from the bottom up as far as mobility need goes. Um, and so first it's just learning the body mechanics of transferring. We teach that in the in the store. Um, but you know, the knees bent, the the hips over knees and shoulders over hips, um, to try to not put too much strain on our back when we're bent over to do transfers correctly. And in that stage, using a gait belt um can be helpful around the client's waist. And then using the lift chair to help do the lifting and using grab bars or floor to ceiling poles. Floor to ceiling poles are awesome. Sometimes people aren't aware of them. They're like floating grab bars, they're tension mounted, and they're very strong. So the client can yank on those versus yank on you, and you can help them up. So you're not this the transfer bar. There is a transfer bar, and you can put those anywhere. They're not just needing to be on a you know a wall or in a bathroom, so they can be next to your favorite recliner, next to the bed anywhere. So that's kind of like phase one. Um, and then phase two comes into using a transfer device, and there's some transfer devices that are easy to use, they don't require the sling that are kind of in between. And the most known brand, and that's called a Sarah Steady, and that's because they use it in the hospital. Uh, but there's other brands. We carry one from Best Care, the Best Care SA450. And these are um manual devices, they don't have slings, so you don't have to put anything on the client, but they have kind of like a handlebar that the client pulls up on. And as soon as they get some space below themselves in the their bottom in the chair, you can flip a paddle down underneath their bottom. So then it holds them in a seated position as you move them over to their chair or their bed. So they need to have a little bit of ability, but it's real easy for everyone if they do, and then and it's real quick. So no slang, a little stand-up, and then a paddle support underneath them. And that gets the job done for a lot of patients. There's a big spectrum that can use that, but often don't know about it and they get sent straight to the Hoyer lift. Okay, because that's again what insurance covers.

SPEAKER_01:
17:31

Okay.

SPEAKER_00:
17:32

Excuse me. But when you go to the Hoyer lift, um, you have to put on that sling, and it gets a little scary for the patient. So if they have the ability to bear weight in their legs and they have this that manual option, and then after the manual option, there is a powered sit-to-stand where they're using a sling, but it's basically just a piece of fabric thrown behind their back in their armpits, and it lifts them up instead of their legs having to do the lifting. So the frame of the unit is very much similar to the Sarah Steady or the manual one, but now it's powered and they have a sling and they get into a seated position with that sling's help, and then they get set down in a seated position. So they're not flying in the air ever at any time. Their feet stay on the platform of the lift and they can transfer in that 90 degree seated posture. So it's easy to land in the right position into your wheelchair or into your lift chair. So that's that is the kind of third phase where they have still the ability to bear weight through their legs and moderately participate in the process, but they really don't need a lot of strength. I even have uh paraplegic clients that can do this. They just have good bone density still and flat feet, or they can still use this lift. Um, and then the last stage is that full assist with a Hoyer, a powered Hoyer, or a ceiling lift. Any of those require the full body sling or divided leg sling, but it covers you know most of your body and it lifts you up in a hammocked position.

SPEAKER_01:
19:09

Okay.

SPEAKER_00:
19:09

And that's the last phase of transfers. A lot of people are go ahead.

SPEAKER_01:
19:14

I was gonna say it makes me think of when my mom um ended up having to be in the wheelchair and transfer. She did not like being in the wheelchair, so she would shuffle her feet, and when they would try to transfer her, she would like grab onto the TV and all kinds of stuff because like she just didn't like that. Like it was like her way of holding on to her last minute of independence. She she hated all that.

SPEAKER_00:
19:39

Yeah, she hated all the equipment. Yeah. Right. She wanted yes. Yeah, there's such a psychological barrier to equipment for the end user until they see that it delivers them this newfound independence and ability. With your mom's case with dementia, that that bridge is sometimes harder to cross and harder to find. But uh for a lot of people who are aided by it and then able to could do other things as a result, it does change, but there's always that first, you know, barrier to entry with their with their beliefs around it.

SPEAKER_01:
20:13

So how do you go about that? Um because obviously I mean I know with with my dad sometimes I kind of fight with him at times like, you know, do you have your cane? Do you not, you know, are there different things to help? Because it is, like you said, that psychological you want you're independent. You you want to be able to do this, but you also want to keep your loved ones safe and knowing something assistive might help them. What are things that you can do?

SPEAKER_00:
20:40

A couple things. So in the very beginning stages when someone needs it in their wall walking, we call it like they're holding on to the items, furniture and you know they need a walker. We've had families get the walker and leave it with them in the room without anyone seeing them so they can experiment with it and use it without feeling embarrassed that they're using it without anyone watching. We've had that work and that's with the you know cognitively inclined person who's stubborn um and that we've had that have some success. Then also kind of rewards or those outcome rewards so if we can get mom or dad into the transport chair, they get to go to B's recital um you know or they get to go down to the midway ship here. That's that was one for one of our families who used to volunteer and loved the midway and like if he could use the equipment then they could get him to be able to go volunteers agreed are still out there. So there was a reward afterwards for the an outcome that they were seeking. I think that's really powerful. And then lastly is peer group I do see adaption of equipment use go a little easier in communities like assisted living communities because there's so much widespread use of wheelchairs and walkers and other adaptive aids that it's almost cool. You know they I I have clients they they dress them up they want the latest and greatest they show their friends. So a peer group that is uh already acclimated to devices and think that they're valuable that helps a lot too oh yeah I could I could definitely see that what are some of the mobile mobility devices that you think could be game changers that no one really knows about yeah so um a few one the uh for Parkinson's specific is the U-step the U-step is a walker it's kind of conky it's kind of a bigger walker but it's the only one that has reverse braking in a in a functional way for Parkinson's so that means that instead of squeezing the brakes to stop you squeeze the brakes to go. And that's really important because they get freezes and so on a traditional rollator they might get a freeze and that rollator keeps rolling. They can't squeeze the brakes to stop because they have a freeze. So being able to squeeze the brakes to go and then when you get a freeze you're unable to squeeze anymore so the walker automatically stops. Oh and that's cool it's a sturdier walker so it it gives balance okay so yeah that's a pretty neat one that people um don't know is out there don't see it too often um and then adjacent to that for people without Parkinson's but similar are the upright walkers. Those are the ones that have platforms up above you walk inside of the unit versus behind it. And this has delivered people the ability to take larger strides upright versus kind of just holding on for balance a little bent over at the back of a regular rollator the ones with the seat and the handbrakes um this brings them inside of the frame of the walker and it gives them a platform for each elbow so they can hold themselves a little more upright and take sturdier straighter taller steps that's new not that new anymore new about eight years ago now I think um but still sometimes people may not have seen it um and then a lot of families this is a really simple one but they don't know the difference between wheelchair and transport chair. They might just get prescribed a wheelchair from the physician and so they get their you know 40 pound big wheeled wheelchair from Medicare and they're doing all their visits and their outings with this chair and then they discover they come in for like a repair or something they discover that there's these tiny little 19 to 25 pound chairs. We have them in all different styles now like ergonomic and uh Hemi, which means lower to the ground like different ways to meet the person's physical needs. But these chairs are like strollers for adults that you're really lightweight and fold easily to go in and out of the car. And while it's super simple a lot of people know about it there's still people who don't and they're lifting their full blown like 40 45 pound Medicare issued wheelchair in and out of the car. So that one can be a game changer for the caregiver. And then in the powered world there's a few things that are pretty neat people don't know about um the the the one most do now is the carbon fiber and ultra lightweight aluminum folding power chairs. So now power chairs which which can return independence where they don't need to be pushed you know they can choose where they go are down to 26 pounds. 26 to 36 pounds are the range for these chairs now which is just incredible. It is that is a 60 pound improvement from what we had three years ago. So it makes it very feasible for people to take their loved one out and lift this in the car and even for the end user to take it out themselves and still do their outings. Yeah that's pretty cool.

SPEAKER_01:
26:14

You don't I don't I don't even think about uh how heavy those chairs are and what that is like you know so you mentioned yeah and and for people who are right on that line where they're just doing their own care still and they want to be able to do it it can be the difference maker between going out on their own and not.

SPEAKER_00:
26:30

So some people can still do it. But then for our clients you know 30 pounds is still really heavy. So it's a push but it can make it possible and then it for sure possible with a caregiver. And the last powered thing I wanted to mention that people may not know about power assist devices for your manual chairs. So you can add either like a front scooter wheel to a wheelchair or a rear powered motor wheel to a wheelchair. And these devices they are a little bit pricey um they can range from about 2,000 to 7000 depending on the brand and the style but what they do is they turn a manual chair which a lot of times is best for indoor someone can still push themselves around they're mobile in it it's easy to get and out of the car but it can turn that manual chair into a power chair when they're in the world. So they want to go further they want to go faster they don't want to tire out they can add one of these power aids onto their manual chair and they're both very light. So they're still getting lightweight things in and out of the car and being able to have those dual devices you know manual chair inside and add this power device when you're in the field. So and these become a little less popular as of late because of the super lightweight power chairs available now. But it's pretty relevant for people who like to stay as active as possible. So they want to be doing the chair pushing as much as they can when it when it's feasible but they need that little extra assistance up a ramp um out in the world so they can do that adaptive power to their manual chair and it's like a fusion of their effort and the power to effort.

SPEAKER_01:
28:20

So let me ask you I I know a lot of people they might be listening and being like okay this is sounds really great and that and some things the insurance will cover some things don't how do they go about if the insurance or Medicare won't pay for it but they know this will help their loved ones are there financing available or yeah.

SPEAKER_00:
28:40

Yeah there's financing there's new and used we do both new and used um there's 0% financing uh we use a company that does 0% financing for uh I think it's 16 months or eight 18 months and then there's charged financing after um there's also like a reimbursement form so if one of the items say like a nice wheelchair the basic wheelchair code is covered they can submit the invoice with the reimbursement from a Medicare and get reimbursed what Medicare pays which can often be way, you know, only a fourth or a fifth of what the product costs, but it's something they may be able to get reimbursed. And then the the other things that exist sometimes are grants depending on a diagnosis uh or your area there can be grants in place that can help fund for some of this stuff. But a lot of times people are paying out of pocket and so how we help with that is we do financing um new and used rent to own those are kind of programs that we try to make it a little easier.

SPEAKER_01:
29:49

Okay. Now where so where should somebody start? I mean obviously if they're in California they can go to Harmony Home Home Medical where would be somebody like I don't even know where to begin to start. How do they even look up a place to get home?

SPEAKER_00:
30:04

Yeah I would do a Google search so medical supply near me and see if there are any medical supplies that show their their retail store. You can kind of tell online if it's um a warehouse you know insurance one you can call them too and see if there's somewhere you can walk into a lot of my industry is small mom and pops there's a lot of great small mom and pop dealers around the US like Harmony but a lot of areas especially more rural areas don't have it. They don't have that option um but I would start there and see who's local who can help you um and then next would be to go on to YouTube and check out some of our YouTube videos and get answer ask some of the questions you're wondering about in in YouTube um and then pick up the phone and call us if there's questions you know that we can answer. We sell and drop ship nationwide okay but a lot of a lot of these things you know you want someone to be hands-on with so when it's appropriate I I have turned down plenty of business and Googled for people to say you know how I see um I remember the client up in the Bay Area and I I see I forget it was called something about Palo Alto medical supply is is there let me call them call them up and see what they offer and they did have an ATP on staff which is uh someone who designs custom wheelchairs that's my credential and um and help them get a smart drive up there one of those power assists for their chairs because some of these things really take someone measuring you and understanding you and getting you the right product ordered. It's not real easy online. But if you don't have that then calling someone like Harmony and we can do remote virtual assessments we can get height weight and I've walked people through measuring in Mexico I've done quite a few chairs where I just have the family member on FaceTime and I get all their measurements that way. So there's ways to go about it but I definitely think a little bit of your own research online and then working with an industry expert in your area or remote if you don't have one would be the best place to start. And whether you purchase or not with that company at least it helps weed out some of the mistakes you might make. I I see that a lot I have a lot of people call us and say will you buy this or will you buy that? I bought this on Amazon I bought this on Spin Life it doesn't work for my mom or dad and we don't buy back product lines that we don't sell. And so you know they're stuck buying multiple times products when they could have bought it once with a little bit of help.

SPEAKER_01:
32:45

Yeah I mean Amazon is nice but when it comes to caregiving and that you really do have to match it to the individual.

SPEAKER_00:
32:52

Yeah and when you're getting a bigger item like a bed or a wheelchair power chair um you want a place that you can get it serviced at so again why a local dealer is great um and in the first choice. And then if you work with someone if you don't have local deal and you work with someone like Harmony to do it nationwide or remotely need to make sure that the white glove or the tech support services are in your area or find that out beforehand. We have a um for different product lines they're called different things but like for our lifts it's called lift squad and it's a network of installers and technicians throughout the country so people who can help you fix things because it is equipment it is mechanical there will be times when you need to have a repair or a battery swap or something you know so it's good to make sure you have some support.

SPEAKER_01:
33:44

And then lastly what are the most commonly used pieces of equipment for say dementia or ALS or just aging in general um bath equipment it always it usually starts at a bath equipment inquiry you know and grab bars are the new safety belts.

SPEAKER_00:
34:01

Everybody should have them I have them everybody should have them they're beautiful there's nice ones um so outfitting your bathroom is number one it's the place where 80% of the falls that happen at home happen. And then the um the looking at transfers and and home access I guess would probably be next so you know if you're using the wheel device our threshold ramps and our in and out of our house safely um is really important and then going up to the bed the bed you know it's kind of like the the progression of getting less and less mobile eventually that bed becomes a really important piece of the care. So making sure that if you're getting a bed on insurance or hospice pay the difference to have them make it a a um a full electric, a high level full electric they can do that. You just need to push them a little bit they can do it. Okay. So so that could be you know majority covered when someone qualifies um and they just pay the difference on it. But looking at that and deciding what kind of bed you want for care when you're getting a little later down the line when you have a lot of caregiving going on becomes real important too.

SPEAKER_01:
35:18

Oh definitely I mean it's it's so overwhelming being a caregiver. It really is.

SPEAKER_00:
35:22

Yes yes and then you know the the pinnacle rule for all caregivers is care or like the or the airplane too like put your oxygen mask on first. You know take time to take care of yourself to learn the safe transferring techniques to make sure you don't hurt yourself because if you're hurt you can't care for your loved one and look for resources in your area. What are there respite care programs here in San Diego the Alzheimer's Association the local one has a respite volunteer program. It can take time to get paired with but after you are you can get I believe it's five hours a week of a volunteer to come over and give you a break to go get your hair done go to the doctor go, you know what you need to to do. And so making sure you've got you breaks is a is really important.

SPEAKER_01:
36:10

Yes yes it really is so uh you mentioned your YouTube channel so I'll go ahead and wanted to tell people again how they can look up your YouTube channel or your website as well.

SPEAKER_00:
36:20

Yeah it's harmonyhomedical dot com and on YouTube it's the same you type in harmony home medical we're the only one on there we'll come up and um there's if you type in questions or products on there it should come to the video or you can scroll them we have a lot of different videos and we're going to continue to add them. And so on our website we have a product education tab where you can go in and learn about the differences between manual chairs, the differences between power chairs, the differences between beds and lifts and that's a helpful place to do some learning around what might best suit you or your loved ones' needs. So and then we're always a phone call away have a great helpful staff we don't mind answering questions no matter where you are and um always happy to help people get started in the right direction.

SPEAKER_01:
37:09

Well thank you Erica so much for joining us today. This was very very informative.

SPEAKER_00:
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Thank you thanks for having me is my pleasure thanks for doing this.

SPEAKER_01:
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Oh thank you so I hope today's been helpful for our caregivers and assistive technology. So hopefully you enjoyed your cup of tea or your cup of coffee or if it was really bad day a glass of wine and hopefully you know you're not alone here and join us again for another edition of Patty's Place

SPEAKER_00:
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Welcome to Patty's Place, a place where we'll talk about grief, dementia, and caregiving. This podcast is in honor of my mom, Pat, who passed away from dementia almost two years ago. So grab yourself a cup of tea or coffee, or if it's been a really bad day, maybe a glass of wine, and let's talk. So today I thought we would talk about anniversary dates. Uh for me, this time of year is hard because my mom passed on January 6th. It'll be two years on January 6th. And her anniversary date obviously is fast approaching. And it's hard for me to believe it'll be two years. And I think, how can that be? In some ways, it feels like it was yesterday, and in other ways it feels like it was so much longer. And honestly, this time of year is really hard for me for many reasons, besides the normal holiday season where we're all supposed to be happy and jolly. For me, New Year's Eve is an anniversary date as well, because it was the date the hospice nurse told me my mom only had a week left. And so I couldn't watch anything that had to do with New Year's Eve that night. And I still can't. And I stay, I started staying with my mom every night from that New Year's Eve. And I was there when she passed, and it was just so important to me that she didn't die alone, and she didn't. And the I also think about how the last time my dad and I were all together with her as a family was on Christmas Eve. I think about that too, because we weren't able to be together. My mom couldn't have more than one guest very often because she had a hard time following more than one person. So if there was, if my dad and I were there with her together, if my dad talked to her, then I had to be quiet. And if I talked to her, my dad had to be quiet because she just couldn't follow more than one person. It was harder for her to follow one person. So we had to kind of make that for it. So it's just hard at this time of year because I think about all those different things, knowing that January 6th will be here soon. And, you know, it's sometimes hard to explain to some people about anniversary dates or even they're considered trigger dates. So for me, the week from New Year's Eve to January 6th is an anniversary for me because I think about how I stayed with my mom every night and I think about the morning she passed and what happened. And it's so clear and so vivid in my mind with it. I mean, I wouldn't have traded those things at all. I'm glad I was there. And I think about last New Year's Eve because it was so hard because I had this feeling of how I didn't want 2024 to come to an end because it would then be the first year my mom wouldn't be in it, even though she was only in it for a few days. And honestly, she was asleep for most of it. But it just hurt so much thinking she would never be in the in any more years. She would never be in 2025, and she would never be anywhere else in any other year. And I remember I cried so hard that night, especially at midnight. And I know some people would have said I should have been with friends at that time, but I I I just couldn't. Like I I still can't. I can't watch anything, all everything right now. Oh, you gotta watch this on New Year's, you gotta just I I can't watch it. I just I can't. And I my mom was cremated, so I have her ashes, and uh so I have a room, an extra room in my house, and that's where her ashes are. And and that night on New Year's Eve, I just was in there, I was reading because my mom was a big reader, and I did. I just cried and I just was like, I missed her so much. Like I couldn't believe she would not be in another year. And like I said, some people would have been like, oh, you should be with friends, you should be, and and I just I just couldn't because it's just hard to explain to people what that day is. You know, for some people they just block out that date, and that's okay if that's what you need to do. You know, if you just are like, I I can't talk about that date, and they just go on and they they don't want to do it, and that's okay. And but for me, I needed to be by myself. I needed to be with my mom because that's where I was with her uh for New Year's and that whole week with it. And you know, maybe next year I'll be able to be with other people, but I know this year I'm not up for it. Maybe I will earlier in the day. I don't know, maybe. Uh, but I know as it gets closer, I can't, I just can't watch people sing and dance and all that. I just can't. Like I already have my book picked out. I know that's what I want to do for that. And, you know, like I said, maybe next year I'll be ready to be with other people. Maybe I won't. And I think it's important when we talk about these anniversary dates is to acknowledge the date and how you feel about it. And if you don't want to talk about it, that's okay. And if you want to be alone, that's okay. I think that people are always like, oh no, don't think about it. It's in the past, but it it is, but it isn't because you think about that day. That's a day that changed your life. No matter how you look at it, it just did. Your life will never be the same after that. And as I approach this week, I know that I think about how, you know, I spent those evenings with my mom and she was asleep most of the time. I played music for her because my mom had picked out, you know, all her songs. So I had it on a playlist and I played it, and she loved her Barry Manilow. And so I played her Barry Manilow and she loved her Gary Lewis and the Playboys and Barbara Streisand, and I played those songs for her. And sometimes I just let it play. Like I played a lot from the 60s and the 70s, all the music she liked, and she was, you know, I knew she was sleeping. So I knew she could hear it, and I knew she knew I was there. And I kept thinking, you know, when I visited her and when I was there in memory care, I knew she wasn't herself, but yet I was there with her presence, and her presence gave me comfort because she was my mom, you know, and there were many times when she said to me, I know how hard this is on you. And I knew in that moment she hit she was lucid. Like she knew she was my mom saying that she could see how hard it was. And I miss her, I miss her so much. And this week is different from all the other weeks of the year because I remember being with her at that night and that whole week. Like I said, I remember playing her favorite songs, and I slept in her chair every night that week because I didn't want her to be alone, because I knew my mom would never want anyone to be alone. And it was so important to me that she didn't die alone. I needed her to know how much I loved her, and I knew, and I knew she would have stayed with me. She stayed with her family members, so I knew that's what I needed to do. It's what I wanted to do for her, you know. I just wanted her to have peace because that's all my mom ever really wanted in her life was some peace. And that was all I could give her because with dementia, it's so hard. There's there's nothing you can do, and you feel so helpless. So I think about these anniversary dates and and how do we deal with them, you know? And honestly, it's the same way we deal with any other holiday, birthday, or special occasion, we feel what we need to feel. So I think it's important to have a plan B. Like, if I thought, okay, well, maybe I can be with friends on New Year's Eve, but I need to have a plan B. I need to know that if it gets to be too much, I need to leave. And I need to tell people I might not be able to stay the whole day. The same thing on January 6th. I remember last year I was like, I took the day off of work and I just said, I I I can't be here. I know I can't be here. And honestly, I don't even remember what I did. I think I just was home all day and I think I cried a lot, and and I think I I I might have watched some things that I knew my mom liked to watch, or I listened to some music and I found comfort for it, you know, and and maybe and and my mom's birthday is in January as well, too. So it's like kind of back to back with things. And then so for her birthday, since it was so close, you know, I was like, what would my mom want to do? And and I went with her friend and we went to the tea house because my mom loves she loved tea. And it was something she would have done. We went to a tea room and she and we knew I felt like she was there, you know. So maybe I'll go to the tea room on the sixth and on her birthday, because that's something she would want to do. So think about how can you honor your loved ones? You know, how can you do that? Is it something do something that they liked, watch something that they liked? If it's I can't, I just can't do that, that's okay too. You know, if you are like, nope, it's gonna be a pajama day and I'm just not dealing with the world that day, that's okay too. So you need to give yourself permission for those things. And if you need to be alone, then be alone. It's okay. And and tell people, I'm okay, I just need to be by myself. Because I know most people don't know how to handle it. They they don't know, you know, they they don't understand that you need to acknowledge these days, however, you need to. You know, people are like, oh, we don't want to talk about it, it's unpleasant. But for me, I tell everybody I find comfort in talking about my mom. You know, I find great comfort in it. And so for a lot of people, I think they do. They want to talk about their loved ones. And even on the day that they pass, they want to talk about it because it's a day that you just remember with it. You know, maybe you want to spend the day looking at old pictures and listening to their favorite song. Sometimes you find comfort. Sometimes by looking at those old pictures, you start to laugh and you think about those funny times that you took the pictures or things that they liked or things that they didn't like, or maybe what happened during that day. And that brings you comfort. Like I said, maybe listening to their favorite songs. If that's what you need to do, then do it. And if you need to be with others, then make those plans. But then also give yourself grace if you wake up that morning of that day and you realize you can't do it. So I think the other thing that's important is you have to choose who you talk to about these things and who you make those plans with. It has to be people that understand and respect what you're feeling because not, like I said, not everybody does for it. You know, maybe you want to do something that that I guess you could call it a legacy or something immemorial for it. You know, maybe you create create a memorabilia table in a corner where you place a lot of photos or stuff animals or toys or cards or foods or things like that that they like. Maybe that's what you do that day. You make all their favorite foods for it. You have to do whatever makes you feel comfort. And if you don't know, I'm sure you will on that day of what you can do, you know, and and depending on how things happen, it might be a day. For me, it's a week. Honestly, it's this kind of whole holiday thing because my mom, she, you know, she she she got worse as the holidays progressed. And so it wasn't quite the same, you know, and I knew it uh with it. And I was I think about those things and I think about I was so glad I was with her. Like, so for me on New Year's Eve, I remember my mom my mom loved those marshmallow peeps, and so I bought her those all the time, and that was actually the last thing she ate. So I do have peeps, so I might eat some peeps on New Year's Eve because she just loved them, it made her happy, and uh and sweet is one of the last taste buds that leave you sweet and salty, so that's why a lot of times dementia patients like to eat a lot of sweets with it, you know. So I think when you're thinking about those anniversary dates, I just think it's important that you acknowledge them and that you tell yourself, I I I can get through it and you figure out how you want to get through it for it. And I like I said, I think it's important that you deal with who you tell that to because like I said, not everybody, not everybody understands. Some people are gonna tell you what you should do. Well, maybe it isn't what you want to do for it. Honestly, I'm not really sure what I'm doing yet uh for her anniversary date. But uh this year I'm gonna maybe try to do something that's self-care, something that she would like me to do uh for it. And I'll probably do some things too that honor her as well. You know, there's different things you could do if that's what you want to do. You can honor them. You know, maybe you talk with people and you have them tell you stories about her, about your loved one. Maybe that's what you want to do. Maybe you leave an empty chair for them and you know, you you talk to them. It's really okay if you decide every morning that you want to have a cup of coffee or a cup of tea with them every day and talk to them. I talk to my mom all the time. You know, like I said, maybe you have things out that they would like, even if you don't tell anybody. I have stuff around my house that was my mom's, my grandparents, and it brings me comfort, you know. And if people ask me what where it's from or that, I tell them. My mom loves frogs, so I have I have her frogs all over. She also likes collecting the little fairies. So I have those too with it. Like I said, maybe you make one of your their favorite meals for it, you know, with it. Maybe you light a memorial candle, maybe that's what you want to do for it. Or maybe, you know, for my mom's birthday, maybe I buy her a gift that I know she would have liked. Maybe I give it to charity for it. So think about those things. Maybe you write a card or a letter to them on the anniversary day and you just tell them what you want to tell them. It it's really up to you what you want to do. And again, it if you can't get out of your pajamas and you cry all day, that's okay too. You have to learn how to give yourself some grace and to be able to say, This is the day, and it's a hard day for me. And honestly, the people who truly, truly do care about you, and even if they don't completely understand, they will be able to give you that grace and say, I understand. And maybe they'll just send you a little text and say, Hey, just thinking about you today. Because quite honestly, most people don't remember those dates. Uh because it it fades, you know, people remember the dates that were important to them for it. But it's important that you tell people that if it's a hard day, and to be able to say, I just can't do that today. You know, and like I said, some people are gonna understand, but some people won't, and that that's really okay. So it's important that you choose who you uh who you share these days with because like I said, not everyone will understand what these days mean to you. Uh and it's really okay to say, I can't do anything today. Uh it's also okay to pretend that the day doesn't exist if that's what you need to do to get through the day. I know I have some friends that that's what they do. They just that day doesn't exist anymore. And that's okay because I know deep down inside they know what day it is and they that's how they have to get through it. So I just think it's important that we talk about anniversary dates and trigger dates because they're there and we need to know that they're there and acknowledge it because every year they might be a little different for you. You know, everyone says, oh, it's that first year. Once you get through that first year, it's not exactly true. You know, the second year can be just as difficult as the first year. You know, some days might be easier than others, but they're all there because that person was so important in your life and you love them. So as I think about this week, you know, I I do, I think about my mom and I think about all the evenings I spent with her. You know, like I said, I played those songs for her and and I just I just was there with her. And I, even though, like I said, she was asleep for most of it. New Year's Eve was the last day that she actually was sitting up. Once they kind of helped her into bed on New Year's Eve, she never got out of the bed that whole week. She I think she woke up a few times, but for the most part she was sleeping. But her and I had some laughs though, too, you know, when she did sit up, you know, because my mom started to see for a while, she started to see. I like to think that they were her loved ones, and she really did see them. And I did that, didn't scare me. It didn't scare my mom. She found comfort in that. And I remember the one time she sat up and uh she was looking and she was like, Don't you see all of them? And I was like, Well, how many are there? And she's like, 30 or 40, and I was like, Are they the we folk? You know, like she she thought they were all there, and she kept taking her hand, and it was like she was petting. And I believe that our dogs were there. I I really do, because it was the way she was doing that, and she was talking about it and stuff. So that brought her comfort, and it brought me comfort because I really believed that they were there with her. So I think about it all the time that week, and I know with that, you know. Some people ask me on that day, you know, I was there, but I can't tell you the exact moment it happened. And I think my mom did that on purpose. Uh, some people say that, you know, your loved one doesn't want you to be right there. And I've heard stories about that where, you know, you're their family members aren't quite there when it happens. And then I've heard others where they're they're there. I was there, but I don't know exactly when it happened because my mom's breathing started to change as it does. And uh I remember I woke up like it was like four in the morning and she was still breathing, but I could tell it was labored. And I and I closed my eyes again just for a little bit. And I remember I woke up and it was like a little, probably a little after six or something like that, and I didn't hear anything. And I remember going over there and I was like, I don't think she's breathing anymore, you know. But because my mom was in memory care, I had to wait till the nurse came and all of that. So, you know, by the time the nurse came and everything, you know, she had she had passed. And at the time the nurse was telling me then my dad called because my dad wasn't there. He he came during the day. I don't think my dad was able, I don't think he could have been there. I just he just just how he handled it. And so people asked me what what exact time, and I was like, I don't know, you know, but I think my mom, I don't think my mom wanted me to hear like her last breath or things like that. You know, she knew I was there. Um, and I I think that's what she she did. So I think about those moments in that morning, and I I know she was at peace, and and it's still a blur, but yet I can still remember like the entire day. Like I even remember what I was wearing and everything, and I remember exactly what the nurse said. And I remember my dad called, so then I told him, and and then I had to I called other people and things like that because I didn't know what else to do. Because I had to just sit and wait. I was there by myself with my mom, and I knew she was at peace at that point, and yet it didn't feel real, and yet it was. I, you know, it wasn't until I got home that I really broke down with it. Um, with that, but I think back on it and I find peace in that week because I wouldn't have wanted to be anywhere else but with my mom. That's what she taught me. She taught me to find comfort, she was a caregiver, she would have been there, she was there with her mom and a lot of other people she was there for. And so I think that that's what I have to remember that even though it's a day that changed my entire life, well, even though dementia changed my entire life with my mom, it's it's her day. And I just know that my mom would tell me it's okay if I cry, it's okay if I miss her, it's okay to talk to her, and it's okay to acknowledge it. And it's okay for me to tell people that's a hard day for me. It it just is, like this whole week. And so, like when people ask me, What are you doing for New Year's Eve? I'm like, uh I'm well to I I'll be watching Stranger Things this time, this night. But uh, I just can't. It hurts too much for me because it starts that entire week. And so with anniversary dates, I just think that we need to remember it's okay to say if those days hurt. It it really is. It it's really okay to do that. So, you know, give yourself some grace during these difficult times, whether it's the holidays, it's a birthday, it's Mother's Day, it's the anniversary dates. Give yourself grace, give yourself time and say it's not easy, but acknowledge the date. And how are you feeling is the first step? Because maybe not every year will feel that way. Maybe it will, maybe it won't. Maybe you'll find a tradition that you want to do. Maybe you go to the cemetery. You know, whatever it is, find what makes you find a little bit of peace. And again, if you need to stay in your pajamas all day, that's okay too. You know, whatever find you find some peace with it. Because remember, it's only a day and you can get through it. You can definitely get through it. So I hope that this helped. I hope you found a little bit of comfort. I know I found some comfort in talking about it today. So uh again, if you have ideas or things that you would like me to talk about, please feel free to reach out to me on all my pages. Uh or you can email me as well. I can get my direct emails on my uh podcast page as well. So I hope that this found some comfort. I hope you don't feel like you're quite alone. And so hopefully you enjoyed your cup of tea, your cup of coffee, or your glass of wine. And I hope you can join us next time right here on Patty's Place.