We explore how to tell normal aging from early signs of dementia during holiday gatherings, using practical examples and clear comparisons. We share stories from our families, outline next steps for testing, and point you to resources that make hard talks easier.
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Welcome to Patty's Place, a place where we talk about grief, dementia, and caregiving, a place where you find some comfort during this difficult time. So pull up a cup of tea, a cup of coffee, or if you're having a really bad day, a glass of wine, and we will talk. I thought today we would talk a little bit more about the holidays. Because, you know, as you get together with everybody, you start to notice things that you might not have noticed before with your family members. And people will start asking and talking, you know. So I thought we would talk about, I got this from the Alzheimer's Association website, which they are awesome with resources if you're looking for things and you're not really sure about it. So they have 10 signs to ask yourself, is this just normal aging, normal memory, or is this something more serious? So you might notice, think about the first one you want to ask is what changes are in their memory, thinking, or behavior do you see? So think about this. Like what is the person doing that's not out of that that's out of the ordinary? You know, what is that? And what else, you need to ask yourself, what else could be going on? Meaning there could be some conditions. Uh, there could be a course change in their memory or their thinking or behavior. What are some of the lifestyles or health issues that might be going on? It could also be something else. You know, maybe you need to include, are they going through some family stress? Is there an underlying health issue? A lot of times with older people, if they get urinary tract infections, it actually causes them to have a lot of s symptoms that are similar to dementia with the memory and even hallucinations and things. So those are things you want to think about. Maybe it could be the onset of diabetes, or maybe it's depression. So maybe the first thing you do is maybe you have them go get a physical and make sure it's nothing that isn't a physical reason. So you also need to learn about the signs and ask other in other dementia. Look, think about the signs and symptoms of it and why it might be important for an early diagnosis. And you also need to know why it's important and ask yourself what's causing the change? And did you notice any of the signs and what are they? So, like I said, they have the ten signs that you should ask about. So here are things that you can look for. So obviously the first thing that people look for and they think, oh my god, it's Alzheimer's, it's dementia is memory loss. So it would be memory loss that disrupts daily life. So obviously the most common sign is forgetfulness, like they forgot important dates, or they forget somebody's name, or they forgot that they made plans. So, or they might ask the same question over and over and over again. So, how do you know if this is this the beginning of dementia, or is this just normal aging? So, typical age-related change would be that you might forget something, but then you remember it later. If it's the beginning of dementia, they never really remember it, and they'll ask over and over again, and they really don't remember, oh, we were supposed to meet, or those types of things. So that's what you need to kind of look for. Like, did they forget, but they remembered later on? So that kind of a thing. So another one might be they might begin to have challenges in planning or solving problems. Uh they may experience changes in their ability to develop or follow a plan or work with numbers. Now that kind of and that one makes me laugh a little bit because some people just aren't good with numbers. Like I'm not good with numbers. My mom was never good with numbers. So like it has to be something a little bit more than just that. Like they have trouble keeping track of their bills anymore, or they can't follow a recipe, that type of a thing when you're looking at numbers, especially if it was somebody like my mom. She was an excellent baker, and then she had trouble cooking after that. So you have to look at it like that. What are the challenges that they have in planning or solving a problem or following, even following, say, a simple movie, like the Hallmark movies? I mean, who can't follow voles, like that type of a thing. So what is and they have difficult concentrating. Like my mom always loved to read, and she couldn't read anymore because she couldn't follow the story. So a typical age-related would be that, you know, you might forget here or there, you made an error on your bill or something like that, but then you remember and you fix it. When it's the beginning of dementia, they never realize they made that mistake. So another sign is that they have difficulty with complex tasks. Uh so people might have memory changes, uh, they forget uh like complete daily tasks, like they might forget how to drive somewhere. That that's a really common one, like they get lost. I think that's happened to my mom, even though she never admitted it. My dad, they had bought a new car uh at one point, and my mom just threw a fit after my dad bought the car, and she said it was too big and she couldn't maneuver it and all this. And she was there with them when they bought the car. I think she might have got lost. Even though she was never good at she never liked to drive and she never drove far, I think that was how she just decided she wouldn't drive. Um I don't know for sure, but that's kind of when I look back. So maybe they got they get lost grocery shopping or they can't remember where where they are, or like I said, they get turned around somewhere familiar with it. So that would be a dementia change. If typical aging is that, you know, sometimes you just need help, or you know, you forgot how to record the TV, you know. Although sometimes it's kind of funny because you just maybe you're just not familiar with that particular technology, and then you ask like a 10-year-old and they could figure it out. So it's something simple like that, where that's just age related with it. But when it's dementia, it's something simple, like a place that you drive to all the time, the grocery store, and you get lost, or you can't figure out where you were. Uh I think this also happened to my mom. We used to shop all the time, and she got turned around. Like I we were in the store, and normally she'd go to her section, I'd go to my section, and I turned around and she was right there by me, and I think she was nervous that she didn't know where she was, so she needed me as the anchor. That's what they're talking about with that type of a thing. So another sign that it could be dementia is that they get confused with time or place. Like they lose track of dates, seasons, passage of time with it, and and they may have trouble understanding uh something that's not happening immediately with it. So they may forget where they are or how they got there. Like they don't know that it's Christmas time coming or it's the holidays, or you know, they just they lose track of it. They don't know where they are. Now, a normal thing would be like if you're retired, all the days seem the same, right? Because y you don't have to necessarily get up at a certain time. So typical would be that maybe you get confused about the day of the week and then you figure it out. It would be like, you know, how sometimes you wake up and you think, oh, it's Friday, and then you're like, oh, wait a minute, no, it's only Wednesday. That's typical aging. But with dementia, they get very confused. They don't know what their time is, they don't know what the place, and everything is immediate. They can't think about if you say, oh, I'll see you next Tuesday, they don't they don't know what that means. Another thing is that they may have trouble understanding images and spatial relationships. This one makes me laugh too, because some people are just good at this and some people are not. Like I'm not good with spatial relationships. Uh so they might also have vision changes and they could lead to difficulty with balance or trouble reading. Like I said, my mom wasn't able to read anymore. Or like they just look like they're off balance. They have they have difficulty with it, and they have a hard time judging distance and determining maybe color or contrast, and that causes the issues with driving too. Plus, they may get confused over where they are. So that's the other thing you have to look at with the driving for it. You know, because when you think about it, you you've been driving for so long, it becomes natural. But as you get older, in and if this is really happening to you, think about how overwhelming it could be where you see all these visual images and maybe your vision is changing, uh, or then when you get out, it you have your balance is off and that, or you you have to you can't comprehend what the street signs are saying. That's leading that could be dementia. Something that's a typical age-related thing is that your vision changes, but it could be related to cataracts, or you just need a new prescription in your glasses. That's normal for it. It's more than just that they can't see anymore with it. They can't understand where they're going, they don't know where they're going anymore, even if it's places that they've been to their entire life. So another thing might be that all of a sudden you notice they have new problems with words or speaking or writing. So they may have trouble following or joining a conversation. I noticed this a lot with my mom. She would sit there and she didn't really know what we were saying. She couldn't follow. Or if we were in a restaurant, she really couldn't read the menu anymore, and she'd just be like, Oh, that sounds good, I'll have what you're having. Um and they they may stop in the middle of a conversation and they they really have no idea what you're talking about and they don't know how to continue. Uh and they may repeat themselves over and over again. They may be saying the same story, and you'd think to yourself, she just said this, or he just said this five minutes ago. And they also may struggle with vocabulary, like they have trouble naming something familiar, or they'll come up with a crazy name for a new object. Uh I remember my mom had this cookie and she had it sitting out, like she thought it was a decoration for Christmas, and I was like, Mom, this is a cookie, and she's like, That's not a cookie. And I was like, Oh, okay. And so a typical, if it's typical aging, do you ever just have sometimes where you're like, you j oh, you just can't find that right word. It's right on the tip of your your tongue, and then it comes back to you. That's normal aging. But with dementia, with this, it never does for them. They they never figure it out. They they're they're lost in the conversation. So then they just become quiet and they sit there because they really have no idea what's going on, and you can kind of see it on their faces with it. So another thing might be that they misplace things and they lose the ability to retrace their steps. Uh they may put things in very unusual places. Uh they may lose things and be unable to find it and they can't figure out where it was. And then as the as dementia progresses, they typically will accuse people of stealing, stealing the item or stealing their money as it progresses. My mom said that. She thought my dad was stealing her money. He wasn't, but it's very common for dementia patients to think people are stealing their money, their possessions with it. So it and my mom hid things in the craziest places when when we had to move her to memory care and we were cleaning out the house, we found stuff in her drawers. It it was almost kind of comical. Like it was crazy. And like her cell phone. My dad, he found it. It was in a it was wrapped up in a sock in the back of a box in the back of a cabinet. You know, so it's things like that. So typical aging is that you misplace something, but you're able to retrace your steps and find it with it. That that's typical aging. I mean, we've all done that, right? And then we're like, oh my god, it's right there in front of me. That's not dementia, that's just typical aging. So another sign might be it's a decrease of poor judgment. So they may experience changes in their judgment or decision making, or they may use poor judgment when they're dealing with money, or they start to pay less attention to their grooming or their or they keeping themselves clean. Like my mom just started wearing the same clothes all the time. She was just you know, she just always wore the same clothes with it. It's that type of a thing. Like somebody who might have always been, you know, dressed a kill all the time and now they're not. They're just in sweatpants or something like that. And they just they don't make the right they they don't make good judgment anymore with it. Uh so uh a typical aging is that you might make a bad decision once in a while. I mean we all do that. That that's what that is. But with dementia, you just see uh you notice a complete difference with that. Like they don't look the same, they're not doing the same things, they they just it doesn't make sense in what they're doing. So another sign might be they start to withdraw from work or their social activities. They may experience changes in the ability to hold a whole conversation. Uh they may withdraw from their hobbies or social activities because they have trouble keeping up with them. Like I said, my mom used to love to read. She used to have a book in every room. Well, she didn't anymore because she couldn't follow with it. Uh they don't like to go out anymore. They like to stay safe in their house usually because that's where they're they're safe. That's where they can control what's going on with it. They don't usually like to go out, and when they do, they don't like to stay very long with it. So a typical thing is that, you know, hey, sometimes you just don't feel like going somewhere with it, and and you just you just don't want to. But then you end up going or you you be like, yeah, not this time, but next time. That's typical aging. Or you're like, oh, it's really, really cold, and you don't want you know, your older relatives to catch cold easier. So you that's why they stay in. But with dementia, they just don't want to go. They're scared to go. They want to be safe with it. That's normal. That's that's the difference between normal aging and dementia. And then the last one is that they have a change in their mood or personality. They may experience mood or personality changes. Like they become confused, suspicious, depressed, fearful, or anxious. They're easily upset uh at home or with their friends or their family, and and especially if they're out of their comfort zone, which is why they like then to stay home. Like the grocery store could overwhelm them. They could get upset. So what they do is is then they blame that person and they say, Well, well, you're just upsetting me, or fine, then you just go do it. Like that's what my mom would do with the grocery store. She just didn't want to go anymore. So she'd be like, Well, fine, she'd tell my dad, you just go. But really, she was scared because it was overwhelming to her with it. So a typical aging is that you develop very, you know, very specific ways of doing something, and you might get irritated or annoyed when you can't do it the way you want to do it, or it's disrupted. But you you do it and you go along with it. But for a person with dementia, it's too much. They can't handle it. So as you go into these holidays, you know, this is when sometimes you see things and you you think about these things with people. These are things you should think about and recognize with your family members. You know, are they experiencing these symptoms or are they starting to s experience some of these different ones? And then the challenge becomes is what do you do and how do you get them tested? Are they willing to be tested? I mean, on one hand you get them tested and they could get the diagnosis, but unfortunately, there's just not a whole lot they can do for a person with dementia. But at least you know what you're dealing with and you can get resources and things like that. So that's what you need to look at. And it is a very difficult conversation to have, uh, not only with the person that has dementia, but also your family members, because some family members are not going to want to accept it. So as you go into these holiday system, this holiday season, you need to ask yourself these questions and look at these symptoms to see are they really doing it or is it just normal aging for it? And then you need to start to figure out what is it that you do for it. So I hope this was helpful with it. You know, it's not the it's not the most mirious thing to talk about, but as like I said, as you get together with family, that's sometimes when you notice it. That's when a lot of family members came up to me with my mom and asking me different questions about what was going on with her. So and again, the Al Thomas Association website is a wonderful website. They have wonderful resources that you can go back and look and print out things and and take with you to the doctors and things like that. So I hope this was helpful for you today. Uh and again, if there are things you'd love for me to talk about, I'd be happy to uh to talk about anything or repeat different items and things like that. You can always reach me at my email, which is L-I-S-M-A-R-93 at yahoo.com. So I hope this helped. So I hope you enjoyed your tea or your coffee or your glass of wine, and I will join you again next time on Patty's Place.
