I would love to hear from you. Send me questions or comments.
The hardest part of grief often shows up after everyone else goes home. The service is over, the texts slow down, and you’re left holding silence, memories, and a thousand details you never asked to manage. We wanted to talk about what actually helps in that stretch, so we invited Christa McDonald, a hospice nurse with more than 20 years of end-of-life care experience, to share what she’s seen in countless homes and what she learned the hard way in her own losses.
We get honest about dementia caregiving, why presence matters when words fade, and the belief that hearing is one of the last senses to go. Christa explains why you should keep talking, keep playing the music, and keep saying what you need to say, even when someone looks unreachable. We also dig into the complicated question so many families carry: why do some people seem to choose their moment to die, like waiting until a loved one falls asleep? Her perspective is comforting and practical, especially if you’re wrestling with guilt.
From there we explore end-of-life visions, “signs after death,” and the idea of continuing bonds, plus the reality that grief can take a minimum of a year and can impact your health. Krista also shares her new project, GLAD (Grieving Loss After Death and Dying), designed to meet people where they are with a 24/7 bereavement line and online grief support classes. We close by clearing up hospice myths, what hospice really provides, and why getting help sooner can change everything for families facing dementia and terminal illness.
If you’re navigating grief, hospice care, or dementia caregiving, subscribe to Patty’s Place, share this with someone who needs support, and leave a review so more families can find these conversations.
Welcome To Patty’s Place
SPEAKER_02
0:12
Welcome to Patty's Place, a place where we'll talk about grief, dementia, and caregiving. My name is Lisa. I started this podcast in honor of my mom who passed away from dementia about two years ago. So I just wanted people to know that you're not alone here. So grab your cup of tea, your cup of coffee, or if you're having a really bad day, maybe a glass of wine. And today we're going to talk uh to Krista McDonald. She is a hospice nurse for over 20 years. She has her own website as well. She also has a book out and a foundation. Uh it's called GLAD Grieving Loss After Death and Dying for that. So welcome, Krista. Thank you for joining us today. Yes, yes. So um I was looking at your website and everything. It's really cool for it. So you mentioned that can you expand or explain what you mean by the end of the life is often life's greatest teacher.
SPEAKER_00
1:11
Um, oh yeah, for sure. There's so many things you could say about that. Um I think it wasn't till I had my own personal experience that it became my greatest teacher. And, you know, when we're younger, I'm 45 now, but you know, I started doing this. My mom took me to the hospital when I was a young age at 13, but I was a CNA at 16. So at 16 is when it started. Um, and when I was younger, I helped all three of my grandparents when I was younger, you know, before the age of 20. And I was always told to get over it, get over it. And we really didn't know how to deal with it, right? And till about a year ago, a little less than a year ago, when I had my own personal experience with my stepdad, is when it was it hits you when you have that personal experience and it changes everything, especially if you really love the person. So that's why I always say everything. Um, I had a lot of uh visions and dreams for over 10 years to help people with grief because I always say once the funeral ends, where do people go? Nobody knows where to go. And yeah, and we live in a grief-avoidant society. And, you know, I have been in since the a young age in my 20s, when I started working for the visiting nurse service in New York, I've been in thousands of homes and I've just seen so many people not know how to grieve and just sit there and in in like just stay in this container for the rest of their life, just grieving over this loss because nobody knows they just don't know where to go. They don't know how to grieve properly. So this mission came out of my own personal experience. So, you know, when you lose somebody physically that you love, it just it changes you. And I always tell people that glad came about because of mad and sad in New York. I grew up with mothers against drunk driving, students against drunk driving, and that came about because a mother had an experience that lost her son, right? And she wanted to change the world too. So sometimes when things are so that it becomes painful and and it hurts, when in doubt, focus out. And that's what I tell people. So take your pain and put it to purpose because the world needs you.
Hearing And Words At The End
SPEAKER_02
3:09
That's very true. Yeah, very, very true. Um, I mean, me personally, I've had other deaths and you know, for family related, but with my mom, yeah, it just it's just different. Totally different. Um, because obviously she was the closest person I I mean I had with it. And um being a hospice nurse, obviously you've seen a lot of things. And I one thing that I'm grateful for is that I was was with her, especially like I mean, I was with her every day, but especially that like last week I spent the the nights with her because she was in memory care with it. Can you talk a little bit too about like they always say hearing is one of the last things, last senses to go. Is that true?
SPEAKER_00
3:53
Oh, yeah, absolutely, absolutely. And there's so many studies, but I've read studies that you know that that that people still hear and know what's going on for 20 minutes after after they passed. So, no, and yeah, I always tell people they could hear you. Just say whatever you need to say, say what you want. I love, you know, with your mother, those are not easy situations, you know, because a lot of people treat dementia. It always bothered me my whole nursing career, because they treat people with dementia Alzheimer's like they're not there, and they're completely there. They understand everything. I've seen, you know, they they understand if you just communicate to them. Even if they're not, you know, on their deathbed. It doesn't have to be just, you know, with the the dementia and Alzheimer's, if you just explain to people, explain to the you know, patients they they're treated a little bit differently, and it's not the easiest thing. And I've always been an advocate. I'm like, they hear you, they know you, they you know, they see you. Um, and they're they're special people, but they could hear everything and they understand. But yeah, when people are dying, it's why I tell them I said, whatever you need to say, let it out. They're gonna heal hear you, and people respond. I mean, people even when if they're in a comatose position, you know, in in that position in the last 24 hours where people think they can hear, they hear everything. And sometimes it's that wink of an eye you get, you know, or all of a sudden a jolt if you say something for them to ignite they acknowledge you when, you know, they let you know I hear you for sure.
Choosing The Moment To Go
SPEAKER_02
5:13
Cause I uh because I was there in the I spent the evenings with my mom. Um, because I I just did not want her to die alone. That was just really important to me. So my dad was there in the during the day and that and I was there at night. But I like played music for her. Um, you know, I would play that and I talked to her and stuff like that. You know, she was the first night she she was still talkative a little bit, but then after that one, she a little bit here and there, but as the days went on, that last week she didn't. But so I played all her favorite music and I talked to her and stuff, and like I even said to her, you know, please come visit me. Don't haunt me, but just come to visit me, you know. I mean, like, and I told her I'd take care of my dad, you know, like and that it was okay and that kind of stuff. The other thing too is I've heard a lot of times that when someone passes, they don't always um like to be right there with that person, you know, like people ask me what time exactly did my mom pass because I was there, and I don't know the exact time because I knew it was coming because the hospice nurse had said it would be about a week and it was coming towards the end of the week. And she I could tell her breathing was starting to change, you know. And I uh I I woke up and she was still breathing, but it was kind of like the death rattle, they call it, right? And so she was still a little bit, and then I closed my eyes again, and a little bit later I opened them my eyes up and I didn't hear anything, you know, and I went to check on her, and then I had to go get the nurse that was on duty because she was in memory care and all that. So I almost feel like my mom, I think, purposely actually passed when she knew I was asleep. Like she knew I was there, but she didn't maybe necessarily want me to hear her last breath. I don't know. What are your thoughts on those types of things? Because I've heard different things.
SPEAKER_00
7:00
I have I know I have chills listening to it, you know, because ah, I love that. No, and how people because she wants you to remember her alive, you know. A lot of people like hold on to that last breath. And I feel like she was just like, she did it her way. She's like, I'm out of here. Just remember me. I almost feel like your mom has like, I don't know, like she was just like a um, like my grandmother, almost like a saint in this world, like a good woman. Yes you know, just like she's just such a good solid woman that she just didn't and she didn't want to disturb anybody. Yes, you know, like let me just wisp out of this. I don't want any, you know. Yeah, because people really and then they have regret. And I'm like, you have to take our experience. It's beautiful, you know, it's like birth. We don't know if we're gonna come in for a C-section or a bat, you know, we don't know all these things, but that's a beautiful story, and that's what I that's my message to to the world, because how you live is how you die, I tell people. So, like, I think it's just beautiful because when if you're not there to see that last breath, they just say, and I did it my way, I I left peacefully, and just remember me alive and take all those memories and live with them. And people are like, I should have woke up, I should have done no, you shouldn't have. You know, but people, it's it's it it was how it was supposed to be. And I love that story. I just get chills because they're not always like that, Patty. You know, yeah, just they're my first, my that was that sounds exactly like Mary at 16, my first passing that I was with. And I was in school with CNA. She was on her, I was washing her, and that she was on her side, and the teacher walked in and was like, Mary's dead. And I'm like, and she just passed away, like as I was washing her, you know. And I I didn't know, I I had no idea. And you know, and when you hear stories like that, I always tell people that those women too had strong faith. You know, I'm sure your mom had some strong faith.
Signs After Death And Grief Time
SPEAKER_02
8:41
Yeah, she did. And um, yeah, she also, I know a lot of times people say it too as they get closer to death, that they start to see people. Um, my mom had it for quite a while, you know. Um I guess some people would get scared. I didn't, it was almost so more like out of curiosity. Like she um she said she saw her one cousin because her um when she was 11, her one cousin died tragically, and they were they were like sisters more than cousins. So she said, Don't you see this little girl with red hair? And I was like, Oh, what's her name? And then she told me her name, and I was like, Oh, okay. And then she started seeing her brother who had passed, and we had never told her that her brother passed because why do it? She had dementia, it would just upset her. And she was asking for her mom and things like that. And I I almost felt like comforted because I knew I believed they were there, you know, even though I didn't see them, I believe they were there. And then she also looked like she was petting a dog, and you know, we had dogs that had passed too. So I like I kind of believe they were there with her too, you know, bringing her comfort.
SPEAKER_00
9:48
Oh yeah, yeah. I'm telling you, I have chills throughout my body, and this has been, you know, I always tell people, I'm like, I'm Christ, I'm you know, I'm Krista, I'm Christ with an I. I said, I I never, it's hard to put like a religion in a you know, it's not spiritual, it's not religious. Sometimes it's just what it is. But a lot of people that pray to a God in Jesus that we can't see, I've heard thousands of stories like this. And that's why, you know, that's why I wrote the book too, because from a young age in my early 20s, there was a woman that was like, the doorbell rings every night at 8 p.m. That's my husband who passed. And I'm like, and I heard thousands of stories like this. So if your mom is still alive talking to somebody on the other side that died tragically, I always tell people, like, I don't believe that we die. I think that just like we have that connection with God of Jesus, we have that same connection. And I always, when I'm when I had the opportunity to help people at the end of life, exactly with my stepdad, I said, How am I gonna know it's you when you pass? How am I gonna know? And he was a feisty guy and he said, I'm gonna be bird poop on your windshield. You know, I said, All right, bird poop on my windshield. Why couldn't you be a blue jazzm? Right. And do you know the day after he passed? I wasn't ready to see it. There was bird poop. I had to go in the car to do something for his him, and I it there's bird poop all over, and I just I lost it. I wasn't ready. Now, you know, it was it took me about a good seven months to actually build that connection and to see him and to hear him. He was a UPS driver, so I see UPS trucks all over. You just get different signs. So your loved ones are there, and that's the that point right there at the end of life. You your story, thousands of people say it. Oh, my mom saw my loved one, saw this one, saw that one. And it's like because they're there, because we're all here. We just can't see them. And that's why I tell people when somebody dies, grief takes a minimum, I believe, of a year. So, so, and it's funny as we're talking a UPS truck is is going to be us right now. I can't even wish I could show you. And um, you know, I said, but you know, it takes a year for people to that physical loss is is not easy to have not have your mom to just call her and hug her and even me. And you know, the the other last week I had a breakdown in Costco. And, you know, and I I said, you know, I want this program, the GLED program, which I'll tell you about, but it's up and running in June. But I'm like, it's a 24-7 bereavement. That if you have a breakdown, you just call and people, grief coaches will get you through bereavement because grief is it's affecting people's health. It became an ICD9 code, and people don't know how to create that relationship to say, all right, I know that you're not physically here, but you know, I know that I can still talk to you. You know, I know that I get messages through the birds, the the trees, the numbers, the their signs, you know. Right. And that's where people need to start looking at death and grief because it's the only thing guaranteed. We are nobody is guaranteed tomorrow, not one person. And that, and you know, that's the truth. But I love that with your mom because all of it's true, all of it's real. And it's, I don't know, right? But I've had thousands of testimonials because I've been blessed to have this gift of helping people, you know, in the during this journey. It's the hardest thing to do, but it's beautiful if you make it. Because look at you, Patty, look what you did. You're changing the world. You took your pain and you and you made it your purpose. Because do you know how many people out there are miss their mother? They don't know how to function without their mother. I lost you know my stepdad, but I still do have my mother. But I think about that. I'm like, wow, who would I call? And so people need what you're doing, Patty. So thank you for what you're doing.
Presence In Dementia Care
SPEAKER_02
13:13
You mentioned your book. So it's eight lessons that dying taught me. So you want to talk, and you also say it's a soul worker. I I love that title with it. What do you mean by the soul worker?
SPEAKER_00
13:25
Yeah, I always, you know, I just always tell people, I think that we're on a soul journey, you know, and so many people, like I said, how we live is how we die. And a lot of people don't want to talk about death and realize like you might not be here tomorrow. And how you live is how you die. And and some this world, we need a little bit more love. And we all know that, right? A lot of people live their life worried about two things things and money, things and money, which you don't take with you when you're not in this world. You leave a legacy, and that's what I tell people. Like, you leave a legacy when you when you pass, do you want people to just say, Oh, I joke with this, that you are an Amazon, a Costco member? Do you want to say, you know, you made Patty's place, right? Patty place left a legacy. Like, so it's like we have to realize that we, you know, we have this one life. Who do you want to be? And who do you want to show up to show up to be? So the biggest lesson I always, it's eight lessons dying has taught me. I wanted to write this book for over 10 years. I'm actually working on my second one. Um, and the title of that is Hey Kid, I'm still here. So it's to help people develop that relationship, you know, to realize that relationship. But the one big lesson that I really like to tell the world is presence, you know, like you gave your mother. And people, like in those days, it's the hardest. And you know that emotionally on you, you just felt like when what is happening to me? So what you did is you showed up and you were present. And that's what a lot of people don't do. They run from it. I'm scared of death. I can't watch this, I can't watch that. We're all gonna die. So when you're dying, do you want somebody to show up? If you know that somebody's sick, like your neighbor, right? Do you want to just ask them, you need bread, you need water, you need something? Sometimes we gotta get back down to the basic stuff. So I don't know if it's this social media that's ruined us, but you showed up, Patty. And that's that's you're the reason I wrote the book because you're rare. People don't always show up, even if it's the mother or the father, and that's the truth. Yeah, that's the truth.
SPEAKER_02
15:13
And that's something that my mom taught me because my mom showed up for other people that she was cool, she was a caregiver. And so she showed up for many different people. She had a lot of a lot of tragedies in her life, a lot of people that passed, and she always showed up. Uh, as a matter of fact, her her one of her very best friends at the end it was hard for her to see her, but and she drove around in the in in the memory care facility like a half hour before she could came up, come up, and she kept thinking to herself, well, what would you know my mom have done? And she forced herself to come up and see her because she knew she would, you know, if the roles were reversed. And so I and especially with dementia, there isn't anything you can do, you know. So all I could do was be there for her. And I, you know, it took me a while to learn that um I just had to enter her world and you know, don't be correcting her or whatever. And sometimes it was funny because especially in that facility, you know, in the facility, when you hear two dementia patients talk, sometimes it was hard not to laugh because you know, some of the stories, you know, and you just have to go along with it. But I always felt bad for the residents that never had any visitors. You know, I I just did because it was more about the family or the people, in my opinion, that it was too hard for them to see them that way, but they didn't know that. You know, my mom thought she was at her grandma's house, that's where she thought she was at. So I went along with it. I didn't try to correct her. You know. And I think people with dementia do teach you that that you have to live in the moment because that's all they have. Yeah. Is that moment.
SPEAKER_00
16:47
And they feel the love, no matter if wherever she thinks, she just she knew that you were there and loving her. And that yeah, the light is shining and she just felt loved and happy. They know.
SPEAKER_02
16:57
Yeah, because like she didn't know who um I was or who my dad were, but I we both felt like deep down inside she knew we were people she could trust. And so she she felt okay. Like she just thought I was this really nice girl that came to visit her, you know. So I went along with that, with it. Um so I do think presence is important when people are sick and stuff, because you know, you it is hard to get into that the dying person's frame of mind and be there for them and not talk about because you have all those other feelings going on. I'm sure you have lots of stories about families with uh I'm sure you know many.
SPEAKER_00
17:35
Too many, so many, but yeah, too many, but to be prepared, and that's true the truth of it, because it's the only thing guaranteed, and there's a lot of family fights, and there's so much. I mean, I've called the cops so many times. I've you know, I could tell you so many stories because people think that money and things they matter and they don't, you know, and then all this, and it's because sometimes we don't want to deal with death to talk about it, so we don't do anything, right? So we don't set up the for you know the the beneficiaries, the DNRs, you know, when you do you want to be cremated? And I try to tell people like if it's only let's make it fun a little bit, even when my stepdad was dying, you know, when he died, we he had a big daddy shirt, he was a trip, you know, but we made it fun. We did, you know, throughout the whole journey, you know. We we definitely we you do what you can to to make it fun.
SPEAKER_02
18:20
So yeah, I mean, luckily, like I said, I've told this story before. My mom, way before she even got sick. I came over to see her the one day, and she like because she's like, Come here, come here. And I'm like, what? And there she has all these CDs on her bed with little notes on them. And she's like, These are the songs I want played at my funeral. I'm like, mom, she's like, you need to know this. And I was like, Okay, you know, and and so I sure enough, I made sure I grabbed all those CDs with the little notes and I followed him, you know. Yeah, I was like, okay, mom.
SPEAKER_00
18:51
And I say when people can talk about it like that, when she's like, Oh, when I die, is because your mom, one, she had strong faith, right? And I tell people it's just about faith. She believed that we're not in control. A lot of people think we are. She had strong faith and she knew where she was going, right? And that's how just peacefully that she just went. And that's that I mean, I just love the story because it's very rare that I get to say, this is why I'm doing, right? Because your mom, she was a good human, she did for people, right? She's not hurting any, and this is this is how it is. And she just and there's no morphine. That's when people say morphine immense kill is because people's souls aren't right, right? That's where the soul worker came from, too. So you have a beautiful story.
GLAD Support After The Funeral
SPEAKER_02
19:28
Oh, well, thank you. And like I said, my mom, she she had a lot of tragedy in her life, so she talked about it a lot uh with it. And I think that's what made her such a good caregiver. You know, she always wanted to take care of people with it. So for me, I was like, well, I can't do anything. There's nothing to fix dementia, you know, which that's a whole nother issue, you know. So at least I could be there for her, you know, um, with it, uh, for it, and you know, just bring her stuff that she liked and let her talk and and that kind of stuff. That was all I could do with it. Um, so on your website here, you started, you said you mentioned earlier GLAD. Can you tell us what that stands for?
SPEAKER_00
20:08
Yeah, so GLAD, I had this vision like 10 years ago when a guy that lost his wife um after six months of losing her, he couldn't leave the house. He was shaking. And I just never knew the acronym until my stepdad passed. So it's grieving loss after death and dying, and it's the first national online bereavement program. So there's three parts to it. And the first one is the 24-7 toll-free number. Um, and this will be up and going June, June 17th. So that's the first part of it that anybody can just call. If, you know, it's kind of like the suicide hotline. The second one is the the online classes. So right now we have 34 online classes that are all going to be online um via Zoom. We have different ones for if you lost a, you know, a child, if you lost a parent, if you lost a spouse. And um, you know, just we have different other, there'll be some things of like chair yoga, different modalities just for the nervous system. You know, I think we have somebody coming on for sound bad. So it's just very generic to just help people. We have a man's group, because you know, men, there's no place, you know, for them, for them to go. So that's the the second part. And then the third part is we're helping 50 families a year with$8,000. So we want to help them make their dreams come true, you know, at the end of life. And maybe it takes the pressure off of people to help them grieve differently, help them die grieve differently at the end of life. So we're gonna start off helping 50 families. So right now that's what the program is. We're in the process of, you know, getting donations, founder circles, things like that. And um, our first live event is April 14th in Sarasota, Florida, is our first event. Um, live event, yeah, to get glad out there. And um, yeah, we're just really excited about it. Like, because I said we live in a grief avoidant society, and after the funeral in Casserole will stop, nobody people don't know where to go. And this people can do from their home on their own schedule. So um, yeah, we're we're we're super excited, and we have about 12 brief coaching. Like amazing grief coaches, a lot of them that wrote their own books, have groups already, have podcasts like you that are helping people.
SPEAKER_02
22:07
I I do agree with you. I think we do live in a grief avoidance society. You know, people don't know what to say, so they just don't say it and they think, oh, well, I remember right after my mom's service, somebody asked me, How oh, how are you? You know, and I was like, I feel like now is when it really starts because you're in that the whole, you know, you're you you you you gotta clean out the room, you gotta do all this other stuff, you gotta do the service, you gotta get through all this, gotta buy the dress for the service. And now you're like, okay, it's over. Like it really hits, and that's when people kind of leave you. You know, they don't mean to, but you know, and it's it's very it's hard to find those people that you have that space with that you could talk. Like I ended up telling people, like, I want you to talk about my mom. I feel comfort when I talk about my mom. You know, I want to hear those stories, you know. Like I, you know, because sometimes she said stuff that has really made you laugh, you know, and like that brings me comfort. I, you know, not talking about her hurts, you know, with it. Um, but it is hard for people because they don't they don't know what to say.
SPEAKER_00
23:11
They don't know, yeah. And sometimes I got chills again. I love it.
SPEAKER_02
23:15
You know, it's like sometimes you just want people to just be there and you just need to vendor, you just need to talk about stuff because then you have all this other stuff that happens afterwards, you know, you gotta deal with the banks and all that other stuff. It's like exactly it it's a lot, and I do think sometimes people are scared to ask for help or they don't know what's going on, they don't understand what grief is. Yeah. With it. So it's nice that people will be able to come on to and your website is Krista McDonald.com, correct?
SPEAKER_00
23:44
It is, it is, it's in the process, but this even glad community. We're we're in a little bit of uh they're just changing the websites, but yeah, it's Krista McDonald.com and gladcommunity.com. Okay, and yeah, yeah, I love that too, though. What you said, Patty, because people have to talk about their loved one because we we're focusing on the loss that we're not celebrating the life. And they bring so many gifts. Like I know that we had the loss, but we got to celebrate, we have to celebrate them and talk about it. And especially for the first couple of months, I tell people do something, right? Light a candle. Like there was a candle. I just if it it if it went, it was a battery. If the batteries, I had to go get batteries, make it lit. It's just a way to honor them, you know. So I love that you want to talk about them and because a lot of people do, they avoid, oh, they're not here. Why are we gonna talk about them? And it's like they give us so many beautiful gifts. How could we not talk about them?
What Hospice Really Provides
SPEAKER_02
24:31
Exactly. Yeah, you know, and and it does hurt sometimes, but then it also brings comfort with that as well for it. So, what would you say you would want people to know? Because you know, sometimes people have uh um the wrong impression about hospice. What would you tell them? You know, because I had a wonderful experience with hospice. My mom had hospice, so what would you tell them that I mean hospice gives you so much more than people think with it?
SPEAKER_00
24:57
Yes, yes, and you know, and I have done home health, you know, in the beginning of my career because a lot of people didn't want to go on hospice. Um, I tell people, I think hospice is a beautiful thing. I think in healthcare, yes, there's shortages and there's different hospices that offer and can offer. So I do believe that it is a personal experience. That's why, you know, with with some hospices, I think that's why they have that. But I always tell people that if, you know, especially old people, it's not, it's not for the last minute of when you're gonna pass. I have had patients on it one year, two years, three years, even four years. I've had patients on hospice for four years. And what that means is that you have a condition that we can't treat that's not getting better, right? That we just manage the symptoms, but you're not gonna get better. And, you know, you have to be certified every couple of, you know, every, you know, six months or so. But they offer, you know, they just offer not only emotional support, physical support, and you just you don't feel alone. And I just every state, and I was a, you know, I traveled America over 10 years as a hospice nurse. So I I've gotten to see different, you know, hospices. That's why I know some states have more than others. And that's why people have different experiences. But if you have a loved one that you just know that, and I always tell people, I'm gonna say this for your caregivers, because I always tell, especially wives, right? I don't know, sometimes it, and I'm not saying it's not husbands, but a lot of times it's wives, that if you're starting to get, if you're you're getting older and you're starting to get really frustrated with your husband, a lot of times it it can be lack of oxygen to the brain. Something else might be going on. And I've had this story hundreds and hundreds of times where wives are, you know, they get, and a lot of times when you get older, sometimes people just don't die. Sometimes people do die a year, two years, three years, right? The body takes takes time. But I always tell people when people get on hospice, they live longer, right? Because hospice relooks at your medications, they take you off a lot of medications because people don't realize the older you get, you do not metabolize the medications as if you were 40 or 50, right? So some of the meds become toxic. They take you off medications, which a lot of families don't like. That actually, I've seen people that had Alzheimer's and dementia speak Spanish again, right? So there's sometimes medications that they they look at it differently because as you, you know, as the body is shutting down, you get older, it's treated differently than if you're younger. So hospice gives you that support because at any moment, that's what I tell people, you can have a change. And you have a magnet on every refrigerator, right, to call the hospice agency if something's wrong. And that's what um I have for GLAD too. So every refrigerator in, you know, in America will have a bereavement magnet too, because I have magnets made that will go out so that hospices, if you're if you are dying, you know that you have support all the time, right? And then GLAD is if you once you have that loss, you know you've got GLAD and that we're gonna support you. And that's we need a better system, you know, going forward for that. Uh I get off on tangents with that. Don't get these started.
SPEAKER_02
27:45
No, I would agree because a lot of people do have a uh a misconception about hospice. They think, oh, it's only for you know your deathbed. And um hospice actually came in about four months before my mom passed. And at the point, my dad and I weren't even sure if she qualified or not. But the memory care facility was like, well, she needs a little bit more care. So, you know, we called hospice, and they were just absolutely wonderful. Like, and even the hospice nurse like even helped even explain dementia even more to me with it and explained how my mom was very highly unusual for the degree her dementia was, but she was still mobile. And so and then as soon as it it was funny because it well, not really funny, but it's almost ironic, I guess. That part of the brain shut off for my mom while the hospice nurse was there, where she couldn't make the turns anymore in the bathroom and she didn't know what to do, so she had to get in a wheelchair, and then they had to get the hospital bed and the power recliner and everything for her. Like the hospice nurse, I could tell was she was anticipating it was coming with it. Yeah. Um, but yeah, I learned so much and so much and in what support in that. And I wish people would realize that those resources are out there and they help you.
SPEAKER_00
29:06
So families are like, they get it's scary that I, you know, when you're on hospice, they're like, what does it look like? And I'm like, you call us anytime. That's why you have the magnet. You call us, we will be there. And we you have that support. So yeah, I love it.
Book News And Farewell
SPEAKER_02
29:17
Yeah. So I I I can't speak highly highly enough of hospice, you know, what they did. And in other stories, I've had two of other family members or close family friends that have had hospice with that for that. Yeah. Um, so where can people purchase your book, The Eight Lessons of Dying?
SPEAKER_00
29:33
That's it's gonna be coming out. I'm getting the final. We had to do some, you know, that within the next four weeks on Amazon, they'll be able to get it. So it'll be on my website. Yeah. Yeah. People will um and you know, Patty, I just want to thank you for being such an amazing daughter.
SPEAKER_02
29:48
Well, I had a good, I had a good teacher with my mom.
SPEAKER_00
29:51
I know, but you know, thank you. Because you're the you're, you know, this is what it should look like, right? We're just here to help each other. That's all.
SPEAKER_02
29:59
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00
29:59
Just go back to the love. And, you know, parents, I always tell people that parents always do the best that they can, you know, especially with children. I've seen them, you know, our parents do the best that we can, just like us, right? Especially if we have kids. We know kids having kids are hard.
SPEAKER_01
30:13
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00
30:13
So sometimes we just have to realize that, like, you know, we thank our parents, and then at a certain age, we take responsibility and love our parents. And that's what I love it. And that's what uh, you know, more more of us have to do in the world a little bit.
SPEAKER_02
30:26
It it's not easy, it's hard. But uh, I just yeah, I I just because she was she was such the caregiver, that's what she did. And I knew that if she took care of me, so I was like, I I needed to take care of her with it. So so um we will definitely have your website on with our um on our page with it, and uh people can purchase the book as well. So thank you so much for joining us today.
SPEAKER_00
30:53
Thank you so much for having me. Thank you.
SPEAKER_02
30:55
So hopefully everybody has learned a lot today and you've enjoyed your cup of tea or your cup of coffee, or if you're like I said, you're having a really bad day, your glass of wine, and you will join us for another edition of Patty's Place.