I would love to hear from you. Send me questions or comments.
The funeral ends, the messages slow down, and suddenly the calendar becomes the hardest part of grief. We sit down with Kelly Edmondson, founder and CEO of Timely Presence, to talk about what support should look like after the sympathy flowers are gone and real life returns. As a former trauma nurse and now a certified grief counselor, Kelly brings both clinical experience and the honesty of living through profound loss as a bereaved mother.
We get specific about the moments that sting: a loved one’s birthday, Mother’s Day, the holiday season, and the first anniversary of death. Kelly explains why “If you need anything, let me know” often fails, and what helps more: steady, practical presence that doesn’t ask the griever to manage everyone else’s discomfort. We also talk about grief brain and the hidden symptoms people don’t expect, from exhaustion and low motivation to forgetfulness and trouble focusing at work, especially when bereavement leave runs out long before you feel like yourself again.
Kelly walks us through how Timely Presence supports someone through the first year with heirloom-quality memorial gifts delivered on key dates, including an engraved memory box, interactive wind chimes, a crystal votive candle holder, and a 3D photo crystal keepsake. We also explore creating new rituals, planning for triggers, and why even pet loss can feel like a “loud absence” after years of caregiving routines.
Year-Long Sympathy & Memorial Gift Collections | Timely Presence
If you’ve ever wanted to show up better for someone grieving, or you’re trying to navigate your own loss with more tenderness and less isolation, listen through and share this with a friend. Subscribe, leave a review, and tell us what milestone date is hardest for you to face.
Welcome To Patty’s Place
SPEAKER_01
0:09
Welcome to Patty's Place, a place where we will talk about grief, dementia, and caregiving. I named this podcast in honor of my mom, Pat, who passed away from dementia about two years ago. So I want this to be a place where everyone knows they're not alone and they can share all their feelings with all of all of these issues that go on. So please grab a cup of tea, a cup of coffee, or if you're having a really bad day, your glass of wine, and let's get talking today. So today our guest is Kelly Edmondson. She is the founder and CEO of timelypresence.com. You're also, she's also a former trauma nurse who has put her compassion into actions with timely presence. Welcome, Kelly, to Patty's place.
SPEAKER_00
0:56
Yes.
SPEAKER_01
0:57
So tell me how did Timely Presence come about?
Why Grief Starts After Goodbye
SPEAKER_00
1:01
Yes. So as you referenced, I have spent my career, I've been a nurse for 25 years. I started out in trauma ICU and in emergency departments, and very quickly was introduced to tough moments, difficult conversations in death. My maiden name is Thomas, and I kind of developed a knack for supporting people at end of life. And so they nicknamed me Trauma Thomas. And it kind of became what I did. I thought I was really quite gifted at that work. Over time I became a leader, a healthcare leader. And one of the things that you learn in leadership is that there's a lot of counseling you do in that, right? Your employees, your patients, their families. People are grieving all over. And so that work expanded even further. But in 2023, um I um lost my oldest son. He had epilepsy and um had a seizure in his sleep and aspirated. And so despite 20 years of caring for people in their most vulnerable moments, I learned that I really didn't understand grief at all. And so I really set out on a journey to better understand the process, um, what I was going through, what the people I had cared for and will care for go through. Um, I became a certified grief counselor, and I have really leaned into the work. And so timely presence is a result of 25 years of nursing experience, um becoming a grief counselor, and then my experiences as a bereaved mother.
SPEAKER_01
2:58
So let's talk a little bit about the website. So what if somebody goes to the website, which is uh it's thetimelypresence.com, correct? What will they find out there?
SPEAKER_00
3:10
Yeah. So what what I learned is that um grief doesn't end with the funeral.
SPEAKER_01
3:16
Very true. Very, very true.
SPEAKER_00
3:18
Right? In fact, in fact, much of the process begins there.
SPEAKER_01
3:22
That's exactly how I felt. Somebody asked me that like the day after my mom's service, and they were like, How are you? And I go, I feel like it's all just beginning now. Once all that's over. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00
3:33
Because you're so busy, right? There's so much planning, there's so much work, and then it is um, what do I do with the rest of my life? Exactly. You cared for your mom, you were very intimately involved, and now you have all this time. Yes. Well, I experienced the same as a bereaved mother, and so what we built really leans into that space. We show up after the funeral through the first anniversary of death. Okay, and we bring heirloom quality memorial gifts on all the milestone events. So you lost your mother, you understand this. The for her first birthday.
SPEAKER_01
4:17
Well, the funny story with that is her very first birthday was the day of her service. Oh, because she she died 10 days before her birthday, and it just worked out that way. So we ended up having a cake and everything for her. So it was really technically her second birthday where I was like, Oh, okay, what do I do with this?
SPEAKER_00
4:39
That's right. That's right. Um, and so you know, we show up on that day, and um we show up on Mother's Day. Yes. We show up on during the holiday season, right? Whatever holiday you celebrate, it's different without someone that you love.
SPEAKER_01
4:59
It is. Um Mother's Day is is um it is difficult. And but I I laugh in a sense because my mom used to always tell me my whole life, uh, first she would say she didn't care because her mom passed away when she was in her early 30s. So she was like, she didn't care. And then she used to tell me, I should be nice to her all year long, not just on Mother's Day. And then she would say, and you are, so you know, I mean, I always got her a gift and we always ate whatever she wanted, but then she should be like, Well, she should be nice to me all year long. I'm like, okay. Noted, noted, right? But I I understand now what she meant when she said that you know her mom wasn't here anymore, and it is just different, you know. It's different. It it is, you know, when you see all the commercials and all that stuff, it's just there's just something missing. Same thing with birthdays or Christmas or all the different holidays with it. So how so you do this? I noticed you said on the website, and there were people don't know what to say to somebody who's grieving, you know, and they're like, if you need something, let me know. And people would say that to me, and I'd be like, I don't know what I need.
SPEAKER_00
6:15
Yeah, yeah. I I I mean if you're asking me what I need what I want, I want my mom back, right? Right, yeah. Um, and and I can't do that. And so um, it is, it's very uncomfortable. You know that we are not a society that's comfortable with facing mortality, with with bringing it up. People don't know, they know it's Mother's Day. People don't even think, oh, this Mother's Day is different for Lisa Pads gone, it's different. They they don't even think that, not because they're not caring, but right because life goes on.
Dates, Collections, And Automatic Support
SPEAKER_01
6:51
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it does. And uh, and and I noticed too, like people will do it the first, like the the first Mother's Day. Well, the first Mother's Day I was actually in Ireland, which that helped a lot. But everybody everybody texted me that day, but then sometimes it's like like last year, then it was like, okay, how do I feel? Like I just didn't really even acknowledge it because that's just how I could deal with it um with it. But I saw so you have different collections then on here that people can do. So do you like does can somebody like put in those dates that are important for it?
SPEAKER_00
7:28
So the this is what we do. We we we've we've started out with what I'll say um the most common relationships. So we have one for parents and children, right? We have one for spouses and significant others. Okay. Um, we have a general one for friends and family, and then we did one for what I call kind of the silent grievers, um, women that have a miscarriage or a still murder. Yeah, it's such a vulnerable place because nobody remembers a child they never met.
SPEAKER_01
8:02
Very true.
SPEAKER_00
8:03
That is very true. Yeah. And so we've created a package for them. But but throughout our process, as a gift giver, is trying to figure out how do I support this person I care for? How do I give ongoing support? Um, we collect a few pieces of information. You tell us the relationship they had to the departed, and then we ask for a couple of dates, and then the gifts just automatically come. There's nothing else for you to do. We send you an email that says, hey, just remember Lisa's mom's birthday is next week. The wind chime is on its way. Um, and Lisa gets a note from you. Um, and uh a wind chime with just um a note about memory, staying alive. People love the wind chime, it's interactive. Uh, it feels like someone's talking to you. And we do this all year long on all those events. The gift will arrive that just says, You're not alone. We're still thinking of you, and you know, your mom's your mom mattered.
SPEAKER_01
9:06
Um I I did see the wind chime on there, and then you have some other like they're very beautiful gifts. They're are you said they're handmade, like there's a a memory box and like a crystal cube, is it with the person's picture?
SPEAKER_00
9:21
Yeah, you know, we were so thoughtful on on these gifts. So I I actually unfortunately people die every day.
SPEAKER_01
9:31
Yes, that's very true.
Memorial Gifts That Don’t Feel Sad
SPEAKER_00
9:33
So after my son, after my son passed, and this idea came to me, I just began um thinking about the gifts that I like the m the best, but I began buying gifts for people and seeing how they responded to them, what resonated, what was super impactful. And so we've tried to build gifts that aren't sad, right? They're they're not, you don't look at them and think, oh, this is, you know, a sad thing. But the the memory box, I'm so glad you brought that up. It's the first gift you receive. Okay. It's an engraved memory box. And we did it because after the funeral, you have so many things. There's an obituary. Yeah, there's photos, there's there's there may be a flower or something from the service. Where do you put them?
SPEAKER_01
10:27
I still have some of those flowers that I dried out. I I I had I took some of them. There was a convent close by, and they took the petals and they made them into different like jewelry or bookmarks and stuff like that. So I got a lot of those made, you know, not just for myself, but for family. But I still have other dried flowers and I'm like, I want to do something with this, but I don't know what to do with it.
SPEAKER_00
10:50
And people don't know what people have told me they have them in cardboard boxes, shoe boxes, they're just all around. And so I wanted to make something that was beautiful and um personalized where you could just collect those things until you figured out what's next, or if there's a what next. Sometimes you just go through. I have cards in mind, right? So I may look through and and read a note. Um, my son had written a song for me, and I actually transcribed it, and I just open it and read the song lyrics sometimes. So it's just a place to center around your loved one.
SPEAKER_01
11:30
Yeah, because I do. I still have like uh the sign-in book and and and cards, and I still have the little um I don't know what the actual word is for it, but the little memorial cards you get, sometimes it's services. So I have those. Yeah, to put them in something like that memory box or anything else would is nice for that. Because yeah, you don't know what to do with it. You don't want to throw it out, but you don't know where to put it. That's right. You're like, okay, yeah. For that. So you get the memory box first with the one collection, and then um then you can get like the wind chimes and the other, like the they look like they're crystal for that.
SPEAKER_00
12:14
Yes. So you get the wind chime for the birthday for the holiday season. We tried to think of I wanted something people would use. So I was speaking to someone last week. We don't do an ornament, and she said, I'm so glad you don't do an ornament because I wasn't ready to put up a tree. Right? That's true. For first few years, I wasn't ready for a tree. And my son's birthday is actually Christmas Day.
SPEAKER_01
12:40
Oh, okay.
SPEAKER_00
12:42
We don't mean it's really tough, and he died on January 3rd, so the whole holiday season's different.
SPEAKER_01
12:50
No, I understand because uh my mom died on January 6th, and and her birthday's January 16th, and her like last week star it was on New Year's Eve. So from that whole the whole holiday, I totally understand. Like it's just different now. It's just different.
SPEAKER_00
13:09
So what we do is we take a trip at Christmas now. We I take some, we had him cremated, so I take some of his ashes with us, and he's traveling the world. That's that's our that's our new um way of doing it. But I didn't want to do an ornament for that reason. So what we do is a beautiful crystal votive candle holder. Okay. And it's engraved, but it's it's really a way to share light, right? And so um we use we give it at Christmas because people like to light candles, or someone at Hanukkah may want candles, you know, it's just what we do at that time of year, but it's beautiful, it can be in your office or anywhere at any time, and it doesn't look like death, right? Um and it it also doesn't look like Christmas, it's just a um a beautiful gift, and then the gift that comes um on the anniversary of death is a um 3D photo keepscape that's engraved in a crystal block, and they are stunning, they're stunning. It looks like your loved one is in the room with you. Um it's everyone's favorite. Um, it's memorable, and it's just a way to keep their, it's a way of saying, may the legacy of your loved one go forward with you.
SPEAKER_01
14:33
And so that's beautiful. I I saw on the well your website too, it says your purpose is where love, loss, and light come together.
SPEAKER_00
14:41
That's right.
Saying The Name Without Awkwardness
SPEAKER_01
14:43
That's right. Cause it is it's lost, but there is still that love, and you you are dark feeling in that dark spot, but you still want some light to come in. It's like finding that balance is so hard uh with it. Uh and I see you have several different, you have like different collections that people can do uh for that. Um depending on what what they feel is right for their loved one or their their friend or that for it. Um with that. But I think it's such a nice thing because yeah, people don't know what to say and they don't know what to do, and then they feel weird about bringing it up, and this way it's like they feel so weird about Yeah, they're like, should I bring it up? Should I not bring it up? You know, and then this way you're supporting your person without, you know, because I think what most people forget about grief is that the griever will if you if you hold that space for them, they'll tell you what they need. But it it's hard for the person on the other side to to to know what to do.
SPEAKER_00
15:49
That's right. Yeah, you know, people say to me, I I don't want to make them remember. And you know, I I I my answer's always the same. I I wish there were a day I could forget my son's dead.
SPEAKER_01
16:07
Right. Right, yeah. Yeah. And I always told everybody, I tell everybody that I find comfort in talking about my mom. That's right. I I do because it it makes me feel you know, I like telling stories about her because sometimes I realize, man, she was kind, she really was funny at times. The stuff that she came out with, you know. And I'm like, and I'm not making it up. She would tell me these things all the time, you know. Um, but I find comfort. Like she's, you know, she's still here uh with it. Um, but it makes the other person more uncomfortable, I think, than the griever.
SPEAKER_00
16:41
That's right. That's that's how they're that's how they live on. They live on in the stories, in the memories, in the laughter, right? That just just like you said, she was funny, or you think that I remember that time she got so mad about this, and it it makes you chuckle thinking about how she got over it quickly, or just you know, yeah. I love to talk of he's my person. I love to hear his name.
SPEAKER_01
17:11
Yeah, yeah, with it. Well, how old was your son? He was 28. Oh, that's young, yeah.
SPEAKER_00
17:20
And um, you know, just really starting to get his groove in life. He had gotten diagnosed with seizures at 18, which is a really tough time to get a chronic disease diagnosis.
SPEAKER_01
17:34
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Grief Brain, Work, And Real Symptoms
SPEAKER_00
17:36
Where you can't drive, you have to take medicine every day. The medicine makes you lethargic, a little confused. So, you know, it took him a few years to work through all that. Um, so he was a little later graduating college, but he was done and working in his career and really um had just bought a house and was just really um doing all the things that he wanted to do. Um, and you know, if there's any peace that comes, he died happy.
SPEAKER_01
18:11
Well that's happy. That's that's a good thing. I mean, not you know, that he was happy at least for that. I uh I also noticed too on your website you have a blog on there and you have a lot of different articles for the griever. Uh I noticed the one, uh I think it's your most recent one about the quiet months after a loss can feel so hard. And it kind of lists all the different things that grief can look like that people don't realize. Like you you're really tired and you have low motivation for that. And I think a lot of times people don't understand that. They can get mad sometimes. Um, or you have trouble focusing and you forget. Like you're like, what'd I come in this room for? You know? Like that's awful, right?
SPEAKER_00
18:57
For me, that was probably the worst thing. Uh right. I've just what I it was very difficult. I had to take time off work because I couldn't, I just couldn't concentrate, right?
SPEAKER_01
19:09
I and I think that that's hard too, because you know, you like you you go back to work because you're like, okay, you want this somewhat of a normal schedule, but yeah, you have a hard time concentrating. And then I think the workplace doesn't know how to handle it either.
SPEAKER_00
19:24
3.5 days. That's the average breathing time.
unknown
19:28
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00
19:28
3.5 days.
SPEAKER_01
19:29
Otherwise, you gotta take you have to take family leave, which is what I had to do with my mom, you know, uh, which was fine, I got it. But yeah, then you come back and you're like, I I I I don't know what's going on. That's right. That's right.
SPEAKER_00
19:43
And I'm a different me, right? The things that were the most important now may be different.
SPEAKER_01
19:50
Mm-hmm. Yeah, you are a different person. You know, you can't always explain how you're different, but but you are with that. Uh or like you're irritable or you just feel numb, or you just don't you withdraw from plans. You just like, I just don't want to do it, you know, with it.
SPEAKER_00
20:07
And you hope you have people that understand that, right? I'm not anti-social, I'm just grieving. And so I don't want to go to dinner tonight. I uh, you know, count me out.
SPEAKER_01
20:19
Um yeah, it is people just don't always uh completely understand that, or they are like, oh, they should be over it. And it's like you're not over it.
unknown
20:29
That's right.
SPEAKER_00
20:30
That's right.
SPEAKER_01
20:30
Yeah, that's right. Yeah, like I know some people, what do you say to some people might be like, oh, this is kind of morbid to give these types of gifts, you know, because some people might feel really uncomfortable with it.
SPEAKER_00
20:41
You know, what I say is as a society, we have to learn how to care more about one another than around the discomfort that facing something brings us, right? And so if if you care for someone who's grieving, then there's two realities you have to realize. One is you don't understand it, right? Um, every loss is different and every relationship is different. So the the lot the pain you felt, the loss of losing your mom is different than the loss of do losing my son. And so right, it's just different, which is different than the loss of my neighbor losing her husband. Everybody grieves differently. It there is no playbook, so you have to understand that. And number two is it's not about you. So if you care about them, then the goal is to give them what they need to help get through this, and so it's about not, it's a I was gonna say too, and somet a lot of times the griever doesn't know what they need.
SPEAKER_01
21:45
And like I said earlier, like if you can be that safe split safe place for the person, or even be able to say to that person, you know, when they're complaining about what they're feeling, or you know, like, I don't know why I'm tired or whatever, to be able to say it. grief you know to acknowledge that and say and that's okay that it is you know and and you know for me that the first year the sixth of every month was just so difficult you know because you know i it just it was a trigger for me that first you know the first year another month another month yeah it's been three it's right you know um but I I tried to to know that and so some days I looked ahead and I took the day off of work because I knew I didn't know how it was gonna be you know and I thought if I want to cry all day I will you know or do something that's so important Lisa that kind of planning around what I call new rituals creating new rituals um I think is so important I think it's so important yeah because I I I'd be like I don't know and some some months I did cry all day and other months I I was not that I was okay but you know or I did something that reminded me of my mom or something like that uh for it but to be able to say that to people and and and say it's you know and it's okay you know but think about it or you know Mother's Day or you know whatever day it was for me uh also the Fourth of July is a bit of a like trigger for me because it was the last holiday I celebrated with my mom at at my house before she had to go into memory care and she didn't know she was going into memory care. So it was the 4th of July I think it was a Saturday and she wanted we brought her to memory care on that Monday the sixth. So like I it just makes me think of all of that you know for it.
SPEAKER_00
23:56
So I'm like eh I'll see a little fireworks and then I'll just you know yeah tender moments right so how do you plan for that now? So July will be here before we know it. What will you do this year?
Cards, Customization, And Avoiding Harm
SPEAKER_01
24:09
Uh usually what's neat is uh I live in a townhouse and so I have a really nice patio and where my patio is is I can see a lot of different suburbs uh fireworks plus the neighbors uh you know close by in the other subdivisions and so usually myself and my neighbor a couple other neighbors we can sit out on the patio and we just relax and we can watch all the fireworks and then that you know that's always a nice way to celebrate it you know with it um for that nice right so again it's about people supporting you and just being there right so if somebody is interested then in go they can go to your website and then do you help somebody like figure out what would be the best like collection for them or how would they do that?
Pet Loss And The Loud Absence
SPEAKER_00
25:02
Yeah we kind of guide them um just based on relationships. So for friends and and close family there's one for spouses and significant others one for grieving parents and then one for people with pregnancy loss. That's our rec kind just our kind of recommendations. Okay. But as people play around in the site you may find that um the package that's for parents really works for an adult child that's lost a parent right because we celebrate Mother's Day Father's Day or Mother's Day and Father's Day depending so um you know we we try to guide by who the gift recipient is that that's our goal. The holidays have already been planned out so there's no additional work to do there for any kind and the gifts have been a match to them. So there's opportunity to customize cards but if people don't want to do because again people don't know what to say right we have um very um evidence based um cards that go out with every gift that kind of reference the holiday that they're celebrating or the milestone event that they're recognizing that we would hand sign from the gift giver. So we've we've tried to make it very easy for people because in general they just don't know what to do they don't know what to say and we certainly don't want anyone to do or say the wrong thing because there's wrong things to say. Oh very true yeah very true yeah that then and we've we faced that so we don't want to cause more harm um and so we've made it easy for people to to say do the right thing easily will you ever do one for pets for pet loss I you are maybe the 103rd person who's asked that so we are looking and working on you know why because the loss is real right people say all the time I lost my very best friend last night right and so yes um we're looking at a way to do that um in a way that is meaningful and valuable because I think um it it's it's it's a super unique relationship um that's long term um and as you know as a caregiver these are relationships where you've cared for you you've cared for this pet for a very long time and and that um when when a pet's gone the absence of having the work to care for someone something is so loud the absence of that is so loud yeah and it doesn't matter how little or how big the pet was it's like when they're not there to greet you you know you hear the little pitter patter uh uh with that and just their own you unique personalities as well you're just like oh I remember when they did this or that and um for me my mom my parents had a dog but she was really like my mom's dog and I ended up taking care of her and so you know there was this part of me that when I had to put her to sleep and and she had you know it was time I felt like I was losing part of my mom before I lost my mom you know oh yeah yeah with it because I was like you know she was so you know she she would tell my dad if it's between you and the dog the dog is winning she would tell so it was like you know um you know this little 14 pound dog was very important to her so was your mom in memory care already when you had to put the dog down yes okay yeah yeah so I was able to bring uh Annie was the dog and I was able to bring Annie to see her uh and she was very good with my mom which was surprising because she had quite the feisty attitude for a little 14 pound that she was uh but yeah you know and sometimes it is with pets you know there's a different type of relationship with that so yeah I think that would be very popular um on top of everything else. I think so too.
Where To Find Timely Presence
SPEAKER_01
29:14
Oh yeah well thank you so much for joining us today this has been very very insightful so if someone is interested the website is the timelypresence dot com and they can go to that and find some good gifts to give to the griever with that yes we try to make it we try to make it beautiful and easy so the timelypresence dot com we'd be happy to serve. Yes yes and I have been on the website and is really user friendly so no great thank you so thank you for joining us today thank you like so hopefully you have enjoyed our conversation today uh so please leave us a review join our subscribe to our YouTube channel and hopefully you enjoyed your cup of tea your cup of coffee or if you're having that really bad day a glass of wine and join us for another episode of Patty's Place