The guys discuss why the best way to avoid eating dry cereal is to get yourself two VR headsets, when curbside vending truly defines the wealth of a rural community, and how a total unwillingness to pay the pizza delivery girl almost always results in death.
“You had to be a smiling ghost! That hole is huge!”
The guys discuss how a birthday celebration where the pig skins were completely irrelevant lead to them “banging”, when an extremely strong orifice and an ill-advised lift ends a first date with an ER visit and broken fingers, and why there is no breathalyzer needed once you see the aviators and Barbie Jeep.
Is He Here for the Snacks or the Sweet Revenge?: The Memoir of Damon Puracchio
The guys discuss how Google Maps grossly overstates the availability of commercial air travel, when a strategically placed bagel and raincoat automatically grants you additional vacation time, and why a coworker hugging a printer all but guarantees the demise of an entire room full of puppies.
Ghost Cops and “It’s not effing chalk!”
The guys discuss how late fees will still accrue even after grandma has passed, when a missing chair unlocks supernatural abilities in the realm of seating arrangements, and why Damon will never be kicked out of any public pools.
Freaky Frogs, The Wrong Leg, and Always Hot & Ready
The guys discuss how “anywhere” has an approximate range of thirty feet, when sleepwalking in the proximity of a Puracchio could result in bodily injury or maybe even death, and why you cannot acquire 2600 liters from one single milking session.
“In my butt” & “Ohhhh, that’s why they died…” -That Checks Out 2025
The guys discuss why once a discount is initiated on a used cot it is no longer necessary to disclose the terms of the prison sentence, when a burka and Air Jordans almost always guarantee a disqualification, and how science supports a very high percentage of sleeping koalas are extremely horny.
“Surprisingly Little Baggage” and Swan Uppers
The guys discuss how it costs Google $12,000 per wang on their maps, when the proper location of a Brazilian break room can foil any escape attempt, and why it’s a terrible idea to give monkeys the high ground.
An Industrial Banging and Oceans Koala
“for 4 seconds of your life you became a Willson in the vicinity of a Puracchio” …Good Boy…
The guys discuss why it’s imperative you wait for the train to stop completely before disembarking to prevent a tiger mauling, when allowing your husband to pack your parachute is an awful idea, and how an expression of praise to acknowledge good behavior or obedience might get you punched in the face.
The Perfect Pie and A Bear Crown
The guys discuss how many meters of pizza guarantee no dessert, when a bowl of ice cream might result in a broken hand, and why you should never hold your dad’s hand on the 4th of July.

